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Okay so ive been ashamed to say this but was kind of seeing my ex again after he melted my head with all his talk. Each time though id change my mind and tell him i didnt think it was a good idea, but he would just talk me round.

the whle thing just makes me anxious and i decided that speaking once a day is not good enough for me, to me it just seems like hes not that bothered and doesnt want to speak to me. i wake up and my jaw is so tense and i miss just not having to think.

Anyway, he went away last wednesday to new york and i went out on the sat night, i was sober as i was driving. there was this lad out who was dressed up for halloween and he was really funny (really drunk) and i thought he was nice looking but we didnt really talk etc. the next day i wake up and hes added me on facebook....i was friends with a friend of his and his mate noticed id put a picture on with him in it.

We started talking and eventually he give me his number then he asked me out which i was pleased about! he seems like a nice lad and different to the usual idiots i date.

We went out on sat and had a really good night and got very drunk but he asked me if i wanted to see him again and i said yeah and he said the same.

but theres just one problem...he didnt text me all day friday and hes done the same today (not heard off him since last night and i was the last one to text)

my problem is it just brings on like a panic attack, i cant breathe properly and my jaw is so tense, i couldnt even manage to get to the gym after work and the thought of doing anything is like a massive effort.

Why does this affect me so much? will i have to go through all my life panicking if i dont hear off someone?

too me, if you like someone you want to speak to them so will text them. im a busy person but i can manage to text if i really like someone.

im happy in my life with my little routine (most of the time) i dont have to worry about anything and just go about my day minding my own buisness.

but this not hearing off this lad brings like my life to a stop!! i just cant cope with the hearing and not hearing...its just like my ex all over again and thats not what i want.

what can i do to stop it!? if i hear off him should i just not text back? i just dont get it im all confused. whats so wrong with me that nobody is fully interested...i never meet people in town so was pleased that someone new was interested. even if i dont hear off him again its something that will probs happen again so i want to sort it out...just dont no what to do.

3 Replies

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  • Zoe Zoe! What are we going to do with you! Firstly, you've got nothing to be ashamed of. You're a grown up and entitled to date whoever you choose! But I think you know it was daft picking back up with your ex ...

    So Mr New York is going to return expecting to pick things back up, meanwhile Mr Saturday night is going to get in touch in time for some fun this weekend. What are you going to do?

    The need to have them answering your texts and keeping in constant contact are your insecurities about relationships shining through. Probably caused by your wally of an ex.

  • Aw Zoe - sounds like you have a really deep-rooted lack of self-worth. Have lots of hugs.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with you - but you need to realise that. I think - though of course I am not the fountain of all knowledge - that maybe when you panic you're projecting your own feelings about yourself on to other people. The only way it'll change is working out what it is, whatever you learned, probably as a child, that translated into feeling like you weren't worth caring about for who you are.

    It's not about what's the wrong, or right way to act, it's about understand why you act the way you do, why your mind has learned to react in the ways it does. Then you can accept how and and why you've got to where you are now, and start towards where you want to be.

    Oh, and I wish I had that many girls chasing after me ;)

  • Hey, try not to stress so much, I totally agree with the whole 'like someone then you text them' though, it's an unfortunate situation really, isn't it? Maybe he is extremely busy or has something going on atm. Let it lie for a bit and see if he replies, if not then I guess it'd be time to move on.

    Don't worry about not moving on though! There are plenty of fish in the sea. You should just concentrate on what makes you happy right now, and continue to do things that make you happy and make you feel good.

    If he likes you, he'll come around, and hopefully with a response as to why it took him so long! Try not to be so quick to judge, I know it's hard - I do the exact same thing - but at the end of the day, we don't know what is going on in his life, just like he doesn't know how you feel etc.

    Hope I've helped a little,

    Cara

    x

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