I'm such a mess today, I cant stop crying and I want to end things with him

What is wrong with me? I have the sweetest man in my life, he's pretty much everything i could ask for and I just want to end things with him and I dont know why. I posted on here a few weeks ago explaining the situation. Ex left me and our two small children - so spend 3 years on my own - then meet this lovely guy in Jan of this year - now all i want to do is end things even though I love him and i know if I did end it, within days I'd know I'd messed up big time. I feel really confused and helpless today. I just want to curl up into a ball and roll away for a while. I hate how im feeling and I just dont know what to do.

11 Replies

  • Hello lillylu

    Life with Depression type problem, seem to force us into very negative feelings Sometimes we feel confused when we are happy and feel why we feel that way. Self destruction seems to follow and after this we realize that we have destroyed that happy place, then negative feeling return and our depression becomes self fulfilling.

    The same applies when a relationship fails, we blame ourselves, again we feel depressed and negativity rears its head again.

    Many of us when hurt become hurt and mistrust effects our mood, and we try and protect ourselves from all external influences, We need permission to start our lives again and trust again. Do not allow your feelings from the past effect what you are doing now, allow yourself happiness and break past hurts

    Good Luck, allow yourself happiness

    BOB .

  • Thank you Bob, I just feel so very sad and unhappy today, im crying even typing this. He is such a good man, kind, considerate, funny, loving. And he thinks my kids are great. Spending time with them doesnt faze him at all. Not everything is perfect, there are the odd issues that come up (like in all relationships i guess). I think I'm lucky to have him. I feel so flakey. I love him, I dont love him, i love him, i dont love him. He deserves so much better.

  • Hello Lilly

    YOU ARE MUCH BETTER FOR HIM, Trust in yourself, be happy

    All the best


  • {{{{{lillylu}}}}}

    If I remember rightly it was very unexpected when your ex left you? I imagine it is the fear that it will happen again - there is nothing we as people fear more than the unpredictable or inexplicable. Your mind is battening down the hatches, trying to protect you from that happening again.

    I think the best thing is not to be too hard on yourself. Accept that this is a way that you feel because of what has happened to you. It is perfectly ok to feel the way that you do, it is a natural reaction to what your ex did - you just need to remember why you feel that way and remind yourself that this guy is not like that.

    I'm not sure 100% why this idea occurred to me but it did - maybe you could keep a diary. A diary in which you are only allowed to write positive things about your guy. Any day that something bad happens with him, you don't write anything, that day doesn't count. Then when you feel like you do today, take that diary out and read all the good things - remind yourself why being with this guy is greater than the fear and anxiety you feel :)

  • Yes it was very unexpected.

    Today is just a really bad day, all my fault, he hasnt done anything - the diary thing is a good idea

    Thank you xx

  • Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest anything had happened today.

    You're right - it's just a bad day. That's not your fault any more than it's his. It's nobody's fault, so don't feel it reflects on you. I actually think that it must take an awful lot of courage to be in a relationship given what happened to you last time. Don't underestimate that.

    These days like today....they just happen sometimes, they are completely understandable. Do they come out of the blue or are there any common threads you can think of? Maybe something triggers a subconscious association to your last relationship to make you feel bad.

  • When I had my first bout of depression I felt exactly the same towards my hubby I blamed him for everything and nothing. I too am married to the loveliest man I could ever wish to meet but I treated him awfully I made him leave on many occasions I wouldn't speak to him for weeks at a time not for any reason just because I felt so bad about how I felt I presumed he must see the horrible person I felt inside and it constantly made me angry with him. My husband is an amazing person and stuck with me through the worst of times and without him I would definitely not be here today. It's so easy to take your frustration and bad feeling out on the ones that deep down inside you know will take it and come back for more. I guess what I'm trying to say is this man obviously loves you and your feelings about him at the minute are probably more about the feelings you have about yourself. Try and find a positive in yourself and maybe you'll see a positive in him. I hope this helps and makes sense. Take care xxx

  • He is lovely and this makes me feel even worse. He doesnt deserve this. I love him. I dont love him. I love him. I dont love him. This isnt normal is it? He has a doctors appt today which he is worried about and I snapped at him for no good reason because he was being a little bit stressy. That was mean of me. Surely if you really do love some-one and want to be with them, you shouldnt have these negative thoughts and feelings should you? He ie pretty much everything i could ask for yet here i am debating whether we have a future. I hate feeling like this and I know if I finished things with him things would be easier because I'd be on my own and wouldnt have these thoughts, maybe I'm better off on my own. Perhaps i'm one of these people who just doesnt belong with someone else. I just feel so sad about stuff these last few days :( x

  • I really feel for you I know it sounds cliche but I know exactly how you feel. No one can tell you if he is the man for you only you will know that deep down it's not a decision that has to be made at this very moment in time and ease up off yourself abit if your feeling pressured it will only make your anxiety about him worse. No one is meant to be alone for ever and time will tell if it's him you should be with. Try not to worry about the what ifs and have fun with him it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Xxx

  • Thankyou Kim29,

    Deep down, I think he is the man for me. I want him to be. On good days, i love him so much I could squeeze, kiss, love the breath out of him :) On good days I can see myself marrying him. Everything has gotten so muddled up in my head again that I question everything i think or do. I just want to feel like its a good day every day and recently that hasnt been happening. Thank you for listening xx

  • So glad to have read this and the replies. It helps to know others have similar feelings to me. I also had some unpleasant relationship issues in the past and spent years alone with my children, before meeting my present partner. He is very good to me and treats my children like his own. Sometimes I feel so inadequate and think he deserves better, other times I feel like leaving him and am so mean to him. I don't know how he puts up with me.

    We have been together for 10 years. A few years ago I did leave, but we stayed friends and eventually he persuaded me to give it another go.

    I do love him, but sometimes I get tired of feeling guilty for being the way I am. I hate feeling like he is looking after me, putting up with me, that I should be a better person for him, that I am broken.

    Sometimes, lately, I have thoughts that make me feel even more guilty. I love him and know he loves me, but I have thoughts of going out and meeting someone else. Just to be with someone who thinks I'm normal, and looks at me like a complete person. I know this is a terrible, but the idea of recreating myself is very persuasive, even though I know it is impossible and I can't change who I am. Besides I would never find anyone as special as my man and no one else would put up with me.

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