How to deal with ex still wanting contact

My ex called today for the rest of his stuff and ended up doing things for me. I didnt ask him he just went and done it. The stuff he came for is still here and he bought me a bottle of wine and a shopping..I really am confused right now. My feelings are all manic..Yes i still care for him but i realise that it wasnt working out and now what are we..Friends, buddies what!!!!!. I am so confused to what is going on now.He left and said see you tomorrow..How can you move on??? I believe that he is moving on yet I am still here trying to figure out what he wants with me. Is it his way of "keeping an eye on me"..God but how i wish this would end right now...

5 Replies

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  • Does sound very confusing but please try not to panic about that.

    Have you tried talking to him about it - and may be suggest that if he didn't mind you would like to go and see someone at Relate with him as a way of sorting through how you are feeling and what your relationship is becoming.

  • Hi,

    It sounds as if he is ambivalent about ending, and also as if you are not sure what you want or why you want it, and just want the uncertainty to end as that is painful.

    How about talking to him about how you are feeling and asking him how he is feeling about the relationship? If it is difficult why not suggest to him that as you both seem caught up in things perhaps it would help to talk with someone together, a counsellor or perhaps someone from Relate.

    Suex

  • Thanks for your reply's

    I just don't no how to bring up the subject to him as he will come and go without saying hello or goodbye...

    He keeps his motorbikes in the back shed and comes and works on them when he wants as I agreed to this but when i went to get my son ready for bed, he had been in and done it and left..So confused still but i will try and have a talk with him..Thank you x

  • I do also think that it is a question of boundaries and if he is your ex why do you allow him to still have a key! I would ask for the key back and if he refuses try to have the locks changed as it will not enable you to move on from the relationship whilst he still feels he has the right to treat your home as if it was his.

    Suexx

  • Hi sue

    He dosen't have a key but because of my depression ect, i have an open door from 7.00 am to 11.pm but most of the time i can just buzz them in(my bungalow is for wheelchair users) as my son has Downs Syndrome plus has had a tracheostomy(1998 had it done)and my ex used to do the caring part and now i am back doing it. I do think that he is maybe trying to help me out as he no's i am very stubborn and wont ask for help but i have. I did get in touch with my sons social worker to see if i can get some restbite because i need to sort this out in my head with out the worry of my son and my ex helping me. I am such a complex person and i also am a recovering people pleaser. Yes i was so desperate years ago to the extent that i wanted to be liked, loved even have proper friends because i didn't think i was worth anything...

    Thanks for answering sue

    it's so great and uplifting when you see that some one has took time out to answer my queston

    Butterflykiss xxx

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