I stumbled upon this site when searching for a better way to manage my addictive behaviour/personality. I made a decision last week to give up smoking cannabis, it was taking over my life. Following approximately 3 years of smoking every evening to relax and aid sleep, I found it creeping into my days.
I am a single Mum, I hold down a responsible job, as the manager of services supporting vulnerable adults to maintain some stability in their lives, and look after my 80 year old Mother - I think I do all of this rather convincingly.
I have suffered from depression for 20 years. My first experience of this crippling illness started when my sister died of a brain tumor in 1994, and I found out I was expecting my first child - I was prescribed Prozac, a drug which I hated taking, as it made me feel nothing - I just didn't care about anything or anyone, it ruined my relationship with my first born, as I wasn't able to cope with being a Mum - fortunately my husband st the time was a rock, and pretty much brought Bradley up on his own, something which has given me enormous feelings of guilt ever since.
Since 1994 I have tried a lot of different ways of coping, some successful some not. I've juiced, exercised, tried CBT, had counselling, and read every self help book I could get my hands on. I'll stick with something obsessively for a few weeks until I literally burn out again.
I went to see a GP on Monday, for the first time I told her about my addiction to cannabis, and my resolve to stop, she has prescribed Mirtazapine which I started taking 2 days ago - I'm hoping this will give me the strength to cope with my illness - but I also need to get healthy.
I haven't eaten properly for a couple of years now - I eat nothing all day, until my evening meal, and I think the only reason I eat then is because I cook my Mother and 9 year old son an evening meal. I haven't exercised for about the same amount of time, I took my son out on Saturday to spend his birthday money, and to my horror that night my legs and hips ached from walking round the shops!!
As I've already mentioned I have over the years tried an abundance of strategies to get well - when I was juicing I felt healthy I bought a lot of books written by Jason Vale, and followed some of his juicing plans - as usual I gave up when it became expensive, and I just couldn't be bothered to make the juices anymore - however I loved the feeling I had drinking the juices, and have probably never felt healthier.
The last exercise program I did was P90X I bought the DVD's and all the equipment - weights, yoga blocks and mats, a pull up bar etc etc, did it for about 5 weeks and gave up when I missed 1 day (I'm like that - if I miss just 1 day - I consider myself a failure and give up) again on the whole I really enjoyed this exercise program.
I feel I work best when someone tells me what I need to be doing - give me a plan of action, and I'm away - for a few weeks anyway! My goal is to eat healthy, feel healthy, exercise and enjoy life again!
Thanks for reading - Anne x