I just found out about this website and here is my first post. I am particularly in distress right now and cant see any hope.
I am having a very very bad moment lately and I am very confused. I am French and moved to Scotland about a year ago as I fell madly in love with a guy that I met when I was on holidays over there. Everything was perfect but until the moment I knew I was moving with him, I just became very difficult to live with and very demanding.
Before this relationship, I stayed in a relationship for 2 years and a half with a guy who made me fall into hard drugs. It was only a few months before I engaged myself in this other relationship.
I know I should have probably wait and not move with him straight but I was so in love with him that I didnt want to wait and then I ruined everything.
I have some issues with my mental health since I am 13/14 which is the moment where my mum left me and my sister to live by ourselves, as she became very depressed after her divorce. I am now talking to my mum but I can still feel that something is wrong. I am not a person who is used to talk about her personal problems and plus I am a good student so nobody was ever worried about me and the last thing I want is to make my relatives worried. Not because I am too proud to talk about it but just because I cant really trust them after what happened. My sister has now her own family and doesnt want to have anything to do with me/us and I have no contact with my dad at all.
Because of that, I made my boyfriend my main confidant, which was quite stressful for him as I never got the opportunity to talk to anybody before. He got depressed because of me being sad. Plus I am very demanding as I am always afraid of rejection.
Now he doesnt want to see my anymore and got over me. He was the best person I never met and I hate myself for loosing him. I know its my fault as I cant control my feelings and sometimes screams for no reason. I feel like I am a monster who ruined his life. I am almost 24 which is young but I am already fed up with everything.
I need help and I dunno what to do. I feel ridiculous as its all my fault.