I have had a lot of stress with rat shows, but am trying to get to the more local ones, so I will be going to the Eltham show - very probably ratless. I'll be going on public transport, although I could manage one carrier. I have to decide whether it is in Revel's best interest to show him. He's actually happy at shows, but just not the best colour etc. He does do well at LSCMRC as a stud buck. Sapphire might make a good show rat, but i want to do some more socialisation first. There will be one person there with whom I have a lot of problems. I have to go to take something to someone, which can't be sent any other way.
I'm feeling quite shaky at present - a combination of things: I've had no broadband and have been on the floor for about half an hour fixing my router. This doesn't help the pain. I now need to see if I can get my alarm to run with it, and also my cordless handsets. I've always preferred software to hardware, especially when the latter is at ground level! I've been doing some sorting out of things at home and am feeling overwhelmed. I know it is little by little - the problem arose over years and I can't fix it all in one day. I need to get ready for the boiler before long.
I'm still shocked because on Saturday night my beautiful 'adopted' rat. Lucky, collapsed and died in my hands. After vet surgery, I thought she was breathing rather rapidly and her breathing was slightly squeaky. She wouldn't eat, and I had just bought some nuggets. I knew I'd just be told to give her some Baytril - I have a good relationship with my vet. I'd been taking some atrocious photos of her being kissed, but gave her the Baytril - I had to syringe it in as she wouldn't take it on food - and she just collapsed and couldn't be resuscitated. She had had three good weeks with me, after her restricted life, but it is devastating that it was so short,
I must work on what I have to do systematically and avoid procrastination or just wanting to escape. The mindfulness-CBT course begins next month. I'm sure my psychiatrist and GP underestimate how bad I can get. The financial problems are so difficult, there just isn't a way round that. I can manage the New Year Retreat but not the dearer Christmas Houseparty, which is further away. I can help at the Salvation Army on Christmas day, but everyone will be with family at other times. It's so hard not having family.