im a little nearvous about writing this blog as I know it will sound so trivial, but im struggling with my lupus symtoms, mainly fatigue. I used to be a work-a-holic and work 50hrs+ a week,be a good mum and wife but since I became poorly in 2005 my life has dramatically changed; I have to plan my day as I can easily run out of spoons and have to plan where I go so to avoid sunshine (it makes my symtoms worse) I cannot plan ahead as some days I wake feeling so ruff that I cannot get out of bed, my hair was once lovely and thick and now its thin and very grey (soz I know that sounds vain), my joints ache and I have to wear knee supports until bedtime, my migraines are becoming more frequent......but its the fatigue that's really robbing me of my life,i want to stay strong and watch my children grow up,i don't want to be a burden to anyone. I am so angry, I yearn for the pre-lupus me,im a shadow of who I was thanks to this hiddious hidden wolf within me.
I do my best to work as many hours as I can especially now we are in recession as who would want a knackered work horse? im lucky to be employed and im grateful but its a struggle to keep going,im so so tired,tired to my bones. I do nothing but cry, hate living like this, its exsisting not living. im told I look well but what the beep do they know?!!!! I put on a brave face as we all do and switch on my auto-pilot so that I can earn a little to support my family. im worn out,just want to sleep forever......but I know my kids need me so I wont do anything silly.
sorry for such a shitty blog but I need to talk to someone,my hubby is great but I cant explain how low I feel as he doesn't understand bless him.
thanks for listening, caninecrazy x