I went to the doctors in the end and have been diagnosed with very high depression and social anxiety. Iv been on citlopram for just over 3 months and they have really helped me. I have in this time cut myself a few times and attempted suicide again. Luckily the cuts weren't deep enough so I just bled a lot but didn't hit a vein.
I am feeling happier and more myself but still struggle daily with the thoughts of suicide and the urges to cut. I am managing my anxiety a bit better but have not been out in a big group so far so I'll have to wait and see why it's like when I get to it.
I jut want to tell people going to the doctor can help, having to beg for help and go from doctor to doctor to get it is not embarrassing it's helping yourself and proving you have the strength to pull through it and that your strong.
I believe in you and so should you.