Being "the best" / Having "dreams"

[missrat]

I've separated this from the other post, which should really have come after it.

On Wednesday night we had a meditation time and we were asked to think about dreams we had when we were younger etc. and I realised that my dreams were of being 'normal', of being accepted by my peer group, of Mum being healthy, of getting married and having children. All of these proved pipe dreams - I'm 67 and have never been asked on a date. My' babies' have four legs, tails and (usually) fur!

I would probably nowadays have been diagnosed with developmental dyspraxia (co-ordination problems), prosopagnosia (poor facial recognition) and possibly mild Asperger's syndrome. I was a very 'verbal' child and learned that my teachers and my parents liked it when I was top of the class and through school and studies was usually one of the top two.

As part of my depression, I've found myself losing interest in three things in particular - image manipulation/Photoshop Elements, preparing photos for this year's competition, and rat showing. I realised that in all these things, especially the last, I never will be the best. (Breeders normally keep the best of their litters to show themselves, or sell them to other breeders so that their genes are passed on, and non-breeders come last in the line.) I can't always be 'the best.' As a Christian, I believe that God has a plan for me - to be the best 'ME' He intends, and I'm reminded of the words by the former Salvation Army General John Gowans, "In this quiet moment, make a better me."

[ThemysciraDrive]

Until a couple of years ago, I used to have ambitions of getting married, having children, successful job, etc. I really stressed out over the long term implications of every decision I made. Then the relationship I'd been in for five years broke up, when I didn't want it to, and I was further away from any of those dreams than ever.

Luckily I had a book I'd got free from a motivational speaker at a conference. I've been quite skeptical of such things in the past. But this guy, Steve Head his name was, had some really helpful ideas that I'd remembered from his talk. He was really practical, it wasn't just fluffy feelgood patter. When I read his book it taught the reader to focus on aspects in their life they can control. Like, if you're planning something that relies on good weather - don't stress about the weather, you can't control it. Create a back-up for if it rains instead.

I found after that my priorities really changed. I'm no longer so worried about things like marriage and the whole 2.4 deal. I can't control that, and I don't need it to have a busy, fulfilling life. Every person has their own talents anyway...you nurture and show rats! That's amazing! I could never do that, I'm terrible with animals, plants, anything living basically. Being the best to me isn't about comparison to others, it's about being the best you personally can be. I was in a band at Uni. We were terrible. We had two half decent songs and a lot of rubbish ones. But screw it, I wanted to be in a band and I was. And I still write songs, and over time I've got better at it. That's fulfilling my ambitions, doing something day to day and getting better at it.

Sorry, I kind of went off on one there. Hope some of it was useful!!