Why do I feel fed up today?

I've been feeling quite good lately, although I've had depression for many years. I have had therapy and medication recently but I still have bad days. It is like a dark cloud has come over me and I don't know what to do. I'm off work at the moment as it is holiday time - I'm a teaching assistant and I'm not really enjoying the holidays. Last week I went away with my family but I felt quite irritable and short tempered. I am so tired and apathetic at the moment.

When will it pass and what do I need to do?

18 Replies

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  • not sure about yourself, but I cycle through up and down phases quite quickly. So even when life seems at its' shittiest I know that it will pass. Didn't used to be that way the pits lasted for a week solid often. I wish at the time I had been able to talk to family and friends back then, but I guess I never really learned to as a child, we just never talked about awkward stuff.. The summer hols can be an awkward time. there is not the diversion and rhythem of work, and not the chance to chat with workmates. Try to keep some contact up with friends from work, as well as giving that vital 'grown up' contact it should make september less of a shock to the system. Are you someone who needs structure to your days, maybe create a sort of timetable to avoid drifting into aimlessness. I'm a T.A too and each summer aim to achieve something each day, and jot it down afterwards in my diary, I found if I didn't I would come to september and accuse myself of having done F-all, having forgotten any achievemnts done.

    Don't expect perfection, accept there will be bad days, and there are weeks left of the holiday to have some great times with the family. Tell yourself on those tough days that "this too shall pass"

  • The dreaded holiday cloud - I feel your pain! I find the six weeks off really tough. It's odd because I can't wait for them to come, once they do, I just want to get back to work. What age group do to work with? X

  • Sorry to hear that you are feeling low.

    I hate holidays - being away from all my familiar things and having to modify what I want to do to fit in with other people if it is family ... not that I have been on a family holiday for ages, though I did spend Christmas at my brothers (doubly frustrating as I had a broken ankle and was non-weight bearing) ... couldn't wait to get home!

    Are you feeling a little lost because you don't have your normal routine? Is there something you can do to give yourself a summer holiday's routine?

  • I think holidays are hard because it takes away your structure and leaves you too much time to think and dwell on things. I am much better when I am working. I had the blues on the weekend, pretty much over it now, but still more anxious than usual but I am hoping that will pass soon and that's what I tell myself. Hope you are ok soon.

  • I agree absolutely about the lack of structure, as soon as I stopped working I found it difficult to lift out of depression. Suex

  • Thanks for your replies. I agree that I need structure to my days so I will try to plan more.

    I take it one day at a time.

  • One day at a time is my favorite mantra.. I find that it's just as easy to get overwhelmed having nothing to do, or should I say, not knowing what to do, as it is having too much to do. I think I'm weird anyway cus I hate going on holiday too but that's mainly' because of my agraphobia and fear of people.

  • I have noted a direct relationship with my depression and exercise. When I stop exercising, even if its just walking the dog (I run and gym as well), then after a while I start to feel low.

    I find that it is meditative working on my breathing, body movement and overcoming objectives (run to the next lamppost, up that hill or lift that weight) so much so that I am considering doing the Run Leaders qualification and starting a running group for folk in my/our situation. No money making involved, just running with and learning from the experiences of others.

    Anyhow back to your challenge - exercise, it worked for me:o)

  • Thanks for your reply. I went to the gym this morning and I felt better for a while but Im a bit low now again. New day tomorrow.

  • I find the exercise has a cumulative effect. Even having to timetable the regime has benefits. Maybe keep a training diary and mixing it up will add a challenge. I usually walk, then run next day, gym next day, cycle and whatever else. Even varying where I run or cycle helps me mix it and keep it fresh. That will help with structuring your day/week. Every so often I go to a climbing wall or walk in the hills- great fun. Good luck!

  • Thanks for your suggestion. I went to the gym Tuesday, bike ride Wednesday, gym today. Worked for me!

  • Exercise never worked for me which is just as well being such an agoraphobic but I'm so glad it works for you and many others. Good look with the qualifications and running group.

  • Thank you.

  • Hi - just read your post and hope your mood has lifted a bit - tomorrow is a new day and you will probably feel different tomorrow. I have found depression a lot easier to cope with recently as I have come to the conclusion that recovery is ongoing and some days will be better than others. When I am feeling very low I write as a way of releasing some of the anxiety that comes with the constant worry and negative thoughts that go round. I usually type it as a word document in diary format -if you record dates,events and how you feel it can be a good way to try and understand patterns and triggers for low mood i usually try to write when its nice and quiet late evening when the kids are in bed - even 5-10 minutes can help. Dont know if youve heard of WRAP (wellness recovery action planning) before but its useful for trying to manage depression - this would be a good time for you to make a daily maintenance plan and create a 'wellness toolbox' when you have a bit more time over the holidays and would probably help you manage over the holidays. Dont know what ages your kids are but I know how difficult it can be when they are young and you feel depressed and trying to deal with day to day family life - one blessing has been the great weather we have had this year and I have always found its good to get out of the house with kids even if just for a walk - it can take a lot of the pressure of and is a good distraction for everyone.Remember to make time for yourself - reading or watching a good comedy or listening to music or learning something new are good wellness tools and can help you to find focus.

  • Thanks for your comments debsg. I have planned a bike ride for the morning. I find exercise lifts my mood. I went to the gym this morning but it is a shame not to enjoy the good weather as you said so I am going out in the morning. My boys are 12 and 15. The younger one is away on a christian holiday and the older one is at a band practice tomorrow. My wife is going into work in the morning so I will make the most of some time on my own. I have coping strategies such as the exercise I mentioned, I find listening to music helps and I have made our spare room at home into my 'bolt hole' which I sit in when things get tough. I appreciate your ideas though, thanks, about writing things down. I constantly make lists as I did today to give myself a plan for the week. I like the idea of a thought diary.

    Tomorrow is a new day.

  • Thanks for sharing this today as it is really appropriate to me too! I am a teacher and have a month off now and felt so stressed today. Why? I guess because I want to get so much done before I start working full time again and because I am worried about money - I don't get paid this month so have to find extra income.

    It just got too much earlier today when one of my colleagues texted with a lot of stuff about work and money and then my neighbours were making so much noise it made me want to scream.

    I went out and found I have lost my debit card (still lost as I type so looking like I will have to cancel it). My depression is mainly SAD and I really struggle some times. Having a routine definitely helps or I could stagnate completely. I am trying to sort out some gym membership at the moment but that's another long and stressful story. Sigh! My mantra? This too will pass. Tomorrow is another day.

  • Hope you have a better day today

  • Thanks for your help everybody. Ive had a good week. I took the advice to make some structure and I planned my activities which helped. I went to the gym twice (including this morning), went on a bike ride, bought a new suit for a wedding we are going to on Saturday and even did a job yesterday Ive been putting off for ages, staining my garden shed. It just proves that we can fight this cloud of depression and I find that Im getting more good days than bad at the moment.

    Take it one day or week at a time. Good to no support is out there.

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