Big shifts, little sadness, lovely sunshine - what next

Today has been strange, so very different from other days.

Today I let do of the man (ex-therapist) I have been writing to on and off for 23 years. I didn't think I would ever do it, but this morning I sat down to write goodbye to him and had just finished when the postman delivered his letter saying he thought it would be better for me if we didn't exchange letters any more. How uncanny is that. He is absolutely right, I had come to the same decision for the same reasons. Now I will have a gap in my life which in time I will fill with different things, perhaps express myself and my feelings within my art.

Today's been strange in other ways too, momentous really. I've been stuck in self-pity for months now, well on and off for years, ever since I felt let down by life, but today I seem to have broken free. I wonder can it last and yet feel it can and that it will, because I feel in a different frame of mind. Therapy has suddenly become useful because of the shift in me and I am letting go of certain childhood feelings. Raging on here yesterday helped too, as did responses that just said hello, they were great, really helpful. This morning I phoned the local Mind and after a chat they suggested I might volunteer as a befriender, which I've done, they said getting involved in a general way would meet my needs too for more social connections locally, they do sound a very friendly and non-judgemental bunch. Then I phoned my old art teacher (old in the sense of time, not her age!) to ask whether she is currently running any classes which she is not, but she did say she often thinks of things she's like to do but has no one to do them with during the day and why not get together. We arranged to walk her dog together in the local park, but she didn't turn up because she remembered my address as somewhere else. Once we were in contact we really laughed about that, her pacing up and down one road wondering why she couldn't find my house and me waiting by the front gate wondering why she wasn't arriving. We were really bubbly in our shared laughter about that! I've had some of my photos accepted for an exhibition starting next week and we've arranged that she will come over with me when I hang them and then we'll have coffee. Things are looking up. I've also just volunteered for a local counselling/support service. That's enough for one day I think or I'll be too busy!

What a good day. I haven't eaten well, didn't even notice I was hungry until 3pm when I had an appointment with my GP who's doing lots of blood tests for various things. Other than that it's been great.

I just thought I would share that with you all. Thanks again for the positive support.

Suexx

7 Replies

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  • I really admire you. When I'm in the depths of depression it's all about me. I want everyone to help me but don't feel strong enough to help anyone else. You can post something about having a tough day, but in the same breadth you're offering enormous support to someone else. If anyone on her deserves good fortune - it's you.

    Great news about the paintings! Can you picture some and post on here? I'd love to have a look ...

    Hope all is ok with the blood tests. It's good to have a thorough GP ...

    X

  • Hi Suzie

    Thanks for your admiration but you offer help to other people so often that you you must be responding when you feel low too, as I sometimes do.

    Yes, I will try to put some photos of my art on the site.

    Yes my GP is quite thorough if a bit over-cautious. I'm worried about the blood tests, my lower left leg and foot in particular is half as big again as usual and there are a lot of serious conditions that might be causing that - kidney, liver or heart failure are the worrying ones. I'll be glad when the fortnight is over and I know the results of the bloods which I'll have done tomorrow.

    I hope you are ok today and thanks again.

    Sue

  • Hi Sue so glad to hear your good news too. You really deserve it as you are very supportive to everyone else. Would love to see the paintings too. Hope tests are ok too. X

    Hannah

  • How strange and yet lovely Sue. It's so refreshing to hear that at least one person on here has found some respite, peace and laughter all in one day with such a positive feeling for the future.

    I too would love to see some of your art if you can post it on here please (if you have the means of course) . I shall keep everything crossed that your respite and good feelings continue.

    Blessings,

    Lorraine

    xxx

  • Hi Lorraine

    Yes I do feel somewhat better, even today although I saw my GP yesterday pm and have probable physical problems which are being investigated so we'll wait and see what comes of those. But I don't know how long the better feelings will last for, just that I think it's unlikely that I will drop into quite the same distressed state as I was because that had a specific meaning for me which has changed now.

    Therapy is helping and that will end so again I will have to wait and see. But there was one day when I felt really much more like my old self. Roll on more times like that.

    Thanks for your good wishes,

    Suexx

  • Thanks for sharing your very positive news and outlook. So good to heara life is enjoyable again for you. Long may it last. xx

  • glad to here things are so good for you x

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