Hello. I am 21. I am a musician and I have done pretty well and had a bit of a crazy time for the past 19 months. I am however becoming increasingly depressed on a daily basis. I have days ware I am very hyper as well as over confident and chatty. All I want to do is make people around me laugh and play music etc. I also have days when I sit in a dark room and keep telling myself what a dissapointment I am and how I have let my family down. When my mum talks to me and smiles I think to myself how im not good enough for her and my family and friends. I was living in Melbounre Austrailia for most of the last year. I had a great time. I was playing in bands making money and I had a great girlfriend. I would get these short spells of being depressed and would drink and smoke cannabis to deal with it. When I was in New Zealand I was homless and I would live of busking whiles sleeping at the train station. Despite the circumstanices I regard this as the happiest time of my life because I was living a very simple routine doing what I loved. When my grandad died I hit an all time low. I would have a shower and just sit on the bathroom floor for two hours just crying. Every day I get depressed for no reason and start crying when no one else is around because I just feel like a waste of space. I know I shouldnt think this way and it isnt normal.