What should I do?

Hello. I am 21. I am a musician and I have done pretty well and had a bit of a crazy time for the past 19 months. I am however becoming increasingly depressed on a daily basis. I have days ware I am very hyper as well as over confident and chatty. All I want to do is make people around me laugh and play music etc. I also have days when I sit in a dark room and keep telling myself what a dissapointment I am and how I have let my family down. When my mum talks to me and smiles I think to myself how im not good enough for her and my family and friends. I was living in Melbounre Austrailia for most of the last year. I had a great time. I was playing in bands making money and I had a great girlfriend. I would get these short spells of being depressed and would drink and smoke cannabis to deal with it. When I was in New Zealand I was homless and I would live of busking whiles sleeping at the train station. Despite the circumstanices I regard this as the happiest time of my life because I was living a very simple routine doing what I loved. When my grandad died I hit an all time low. I would have a shower and just sit on the bathroom floor for two hours just crying. Every day I get depressed for no reason and start crying when no one else is around because I just feel like a waste of space. I know I shouldnt think this way and it isnt normal.

3 Replies

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  • Maybe you should see your GP and explain how you feel. There is so much help out there and if you are in NZ, as I am, it's fairly easy to access mental health care, at least it is in the area I am in. I went to my GP and within two weeks was seeing a psychologist for CBT which helped me a lot,( all free). So , first step , see your GP and good luck.

  • Hi I am sorry that you feel so bad. Smoking cannabis would not be good for your mental health as it can cause depression in some people. I would go to your GP and tell them how you feel. At least then you will feel you are doing something to help yourself. Things will improve and you will get the support.It seems to be you need structure in your life and living simply is a good aspiration. Is there anyone of your friends you could talk to.?

    You are talented and young two big pluses. Get your mental health sorted out now and you can start again. You are probably grieving for your grandfather . Let us know how you get on.

    Hannah

  • Hi

    It sounds as though you may be experiencing grief and perhaps all the high times were to prevent you from realising how much you were missing your granddad. It sounds as though you are insecure about being good enough for your family and so I wonder whether you felt more sure your granddad appreciated you. Whatever the reasons you do sound sad and it sounds like delayed grief. How about asking your GP to refer you for grief counselling to see whether that helps first?

    Suexxx

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