Apathy and lack of motivation.

[Golfer15]

I am sitting in my study writing this and looking at my garden. I need to cut the grass and trim the bushes but I cant be bothered! The sun is shining so I have no excuse. I have had depression for many years and most of the time I can live with it but I find that apathy and lack of motivation is a big problem. I have been at work all day but I have been at home for an hour to rest (one advantage of working in school, they finish at 3).

Has anyone else experienced this apathy as part of depression or is it just me being lazy.

[Lois1959]

I too have exprienced similar...seems the more there is to do the less you want to. Mind you I have just lately made myself start jobs and as I don't like anything unfinished it spurs me on to the end.

It's not being lazy; it's just lack of incentive I find!!

How are you generally? I think last time you blogged you were reducing your meds? How are you managing?

[Golfer15 in reply to Lois1959]

Hi Lois Yes I have reduced my meds to 20mg every other day. I spoke to my gp by phone as I couldnt get an appointment with her. She agreed with me this is fine to alternate. We spoke about giving up the meds altogether. She said try going down to one every three days for a few weeks then stop. I found this a bit frightening so I will stick at alternate days for now or even go down to 10mg a day. I need something I feel to keep me going but only along with my self help techniques.

Excercise is fine in the summer but might be different in the winter.

Otherwise Im fine generally thanks. How are you?

Keep going.

[Lois1959 in reply to Golfer15]

That sounds like a good idea... the GP's plan sounded a little to quick/drastic?

I am not bad at the moment...having a bit of an "up" period. I try not to concentrate (for want of another word) on good times just in case I "revert to type" so to speak.

Still find w/e horrid.

Any way in terms of the garden it's started to rain here and if it has where you live then you needn't worry about the garden!!

[gardengnome]

oh yes, when thing are not right with me I can find a million and one things to do/watch rather than the stuff I need to do, esp heading to the gym instead of facing up to the washing up. it's part of the whole depression package for me. Like school essays stuff tends to get done at the last minute , esp rushing through housework just before visitors are due which often means chucking everything in the spare room. Lucky for me my garden kind of takes care of itself as it's mostly bushes and trees.

Luckily I can get quite energized on my up days and now try to focus my energy on those days on the more difficult stuff, but like chocolate I know I have to ration my t.v. and computer time, just so I have to get on with the boring stuff of life. I've realised that not keeping up with everyday little jobs is my own self sabbortaging behaviour, which makes me feel so guilty when I try to do things that I enjoy. So enough procrastination the washing up is overdue. A

[Gambit62]

One of the ways I know I'm depressed is I can't be bothered to keep my diary up to date and it ends up getting days behind and then weeks behind so don't think it is laziness. Sometimes it will be the housework ... and the garden definitely suffers as well. May be it is the brains way of making sure we conserve energy.

When things do start to get on top of me then I usually think about my brother and his attitude to things (not a depressive personality at all) ... if his wife is away then he concentrates on work. No housework gets done until the day before she is due to come back and then only because he knows that she will give him a lot of grief if she comes back to the place being really untidy. He's very good at focusing on stuff and not worrying about the mess until it really becomes an real issue and I actually really admire that in him. I just get totally oppressed by mess and disorder and feel guilty about it ... but if I remember his strategy then I try to focus on getting through and forgive myself for not being able to do everything.

[Golfer15]

Thanks for your comments. Guilt is horrible and I feel this way when I dont get jobs done.

[Photogeek]

Hi Golfer, yes I am the Queen of procrastination, but I am getting better, there are other contenders snapping at my heels. I do this to help myself, I make a list of things that I would like to get done, some might be essential, such as putting petrol in my faboulous sportscar, others would be important, but not essential, I must start the maid on that pile of ironing, as I am running out of clothes, others like mowing the lawn, well if the gardener doesnt show up, drat that, but its not the end of the world.

Now a Queen like me will put a timer on for 15 mins and see how much house tidying I can get done in that time, I am then in a race with the Clock, this may see silly, but it works for me, Because starting anything breaks the inertia of Depression. Action ( mowing lawan, washing dishes) comes before Motivation.

Now this Queen of Procratination is going to aske the two maids to stop giggling and make me a beautiful cocktail, to take out into the pristine garden which has just been mowed. Oh I am sorry I just work up from a dream and I go and put the kettle on for a cuppa and root around for a Chocolate Cookie or two. Oh and this Queen makes lists every day. Good luck.

[Photogeek]

Sorry for typos.

[Golfer15]

Good ideas thanks