how many guys are on here suffer from depression?

[uchaf]

I am a guy and coming on here helped a lot but I never see many guys say how they feel? so guys get depressed as well it's no shame be honest.

[Gambit62]

Sorry, I'm not a guy ... though I do get very irritated when younger colleagues at work refer to everyone as 'you guys'. Think its an age thing. Guys isn't male specific anymore ... in the minds of some young whipersnappers at least.

Agree that it would be nice to have more male perspective though. Diversity good: monoculture bad.

However, there could be other reasons - eg men tend to be looking for solutions and give solutions when they talk about things and women tend to be looking for support when they talk about things - that's not to say that there aren't men that tend to look for support and women who tend to look for solutions just that there is that tendency. It's something that often causes problems in relationships - and think it was a factor in my marriage breaking up because there I was the one that was looking for solutions and he was the one who was looking for support - neither of us was aware that there was that difference so neither of us actually met the needs of the other.

[Golfer15]

Hi yes I am a male with depression. I do not like the term guys either but thats a different matter. I agree that men dont often talk about their emotions thats why there isnt many men on here. However, Im sure that there are many men like myself with depression. Its nothing to be ashamed of. I wish there wasnt stigma about mental health. I have lived with depression for many years but have it under control now with medication, exercise and other self help. I use this forum to share ideas about how to live with this condition. I havent recovered from depression but learnt how to live with it.

Good luck uchaf

[Nienie in reply to Golfer15]

what is the medicine ? does it really work ?how much does it work ?

[Golfer15 in reply to Nienie]

Im on citalopram. 20mg a day. Recently reduced to every other day after talking to my gp and decided to go onto 10mg per day. I need it to just keep me going. Yes the medicine does work but only with other self help techniques.I do a lot of exercise both at a gym and cycling. I have to work hard to keep my depression under control.

[Sherston]

I'm a bloke. I write more than talk as after a while talking about it, to others, gets boring, as in hearing myself talk about it.

[Suzie40]

Interesting, because I also looked at the title and interpreted 'guys' as people! Hence my opening it and responding!

My guess is that there are as many men as women registered on this site, but the majority are lurkers. I think women are more prepared to share their inner most thoughts and feelings on a website than men. A shame really, as the viewpoint of anybody is significant, regardless of their gender.

[Nienie in reply to Suzie40]

some share is in heart ...... don't you know be silent is gold ?

[axol36 in reply to Nienie]

Hi Suzie

I agree totally with your comment I find it so hard to put into words (both written & spoken) how I feel on a daily basis, my depression started after a failed hip replacement which has left me in immense pain and robbed me of my mobility.

I suppose to write or talk about it, would be to admit to MYSELF that things aren't right!

Rob C

[David196]

I don't know about being described as a "lurker". I have just joined the site, maybe still a bit passive perhaps, but a man who is looking for a way to engage with others with depression.

I need to share my feelings that are similar to others and discuss my unique situation too.

We are conditioned by society and upbringing not to share our emotions in a way that is deemed acceptable to women. This is changing but I still feel a need to be strong, cope myself and not burden others.

I feel isolated and lonely, struggle to talk with my wife, cut off from my community, feel worthless a lot of the time and capable at others. I despair at not being able to shift my depression in 10 years, feel guilty at how it is affecting my wife and son and feel scared when I don't know how to cope.

I feel better when I get out for a walk, do some gardening, engage with others when working and have discovered that writing down stuff like this to share with strangers helps too.

I want to get better.

I want to look forward to stuff rather than despair for the future.

I want to try CBT. Counselling helped me accept my disease but has not stopped the negative self talk.

I want the happy times to last longer. I want to live not just survive.

I want to keep trying but need to accept that sometimes flawed thinking gets in the way.

Today I am doing well.

Thanks for the prompt to contribute.

[Suzie40 in reply to David196]

I meant lurker in a positive way, not as someone a bit seedy hiding in an alley way! X

[Sherston]

Depression is an illness and not a feeling. You may have either a short experience with it or a longer one that will stay with, popping up at various times in your life. This is a good place to yakk though, bloke or not.

[Hidden]

I am a male and seemingly the reasons I break down and cry or just feel sad is because I have depression!!what causes depression ? in my case its apparently due to a trauma I had some years ago,Drs seem quick enough to give feelings a label then medication ,, But why dont they instead of treating the symptoms find the root of the illness?(Thats what it is an illness!) I get days where I feel I am having a heart attack yet on other days I feel like I can do anything I really want ! Until I try to get dressed or I try to go out my front door alone! ten I am sweating scared I am going to die ! or I go and check that I tirned the lights off and all the electric is off ! Its all strange I suppose to those who do not go through these feelings its crazy or childish or I dont know just not right! depression? sadness ? Crazy? or am I just a shirker? when I was working I used to work all the hours I could so I am no shirker! just a sad lonely middle aged disabled man who at this moment is feeling sorry for himself! Sorry I am unable to be the man I could be!! Thats how Depression affects me! it must affect people in different ways!! and yes I am embarrassed and ashamed that I can not deal with it properly but am trying everything I can! I am not embarrassed at being a cripple as folk can SEE the problem! they can not seee the depression!!

[uchaf]

Thanks for the many observations, I found this site useful to air some thoughts. Intresting comments about the term guys I never realised it was so unacceptable. We learn more every day.CHeers

[Sherston]

It's as acceptable as you make it; am increasingly thinking that if no-one else like sit or can deal with it then stuff them. I've got enough going on dealing with this flippin' depression let alone others prejudices.

Ann nuts, bad day for me, apologies.

Write a blog, that helps. A bit.