Feel so low and confused

[Lola1980]

I'm 32, mum of two children. 3 years ago split up from my husband of 10 years, he left me for someone else. I lost 8 stone in weight, I had a great job. Last year all my weight piled on, I lost my job, my ex had a baby, and just recently I have to move as my landlord wants his house back. Since our split I have been so depressed. Our marriage wasn't great, but I always wanted my children to grow up with two parents. I just hate where my life is. I have no job, I'm so overweight, need to uproot again and find somewhere else to live, I have no energy to do anything, even simple things like housework or getting up in the morning. I feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel, I'm a failure, and I'm not sure how long I can carry on like this. Life feels like its passing me by and I have no idea how to turn things around. I went to the doctors last week and she increased my sertraline to 200mg and put me on the waiting list again to see the counsellor. I want a gastric band but she said I wouldn't get accepted as my motivation is none existent. I'm adopted and I'm desperate to find my birth mum, but don't want to in my current situation. How do I find the energy to turn things around. How long can I carry on like this. Please help.

[awatson]

I had some of the things that happened to you happen to me. I split up from my husband and was very old fashioned but it can be done. I have had depression and anxiety for 25 yrs and struggle every day to keep alive. My children are my focus and I believe they are yours. If you wanted your children to have 2 parents, you will not want them to have no parents. I struggled for year on my own bringing her up infact 10 yrs to be exact and also struggled and still struggle with my weight. My x husband had told me he did not want to be with me because I was fat and it sticks with you when they say something like that. I hate myself everyday and feel worthless but am still here. I have overdosed 3 times, when I have been really bad. I lived in homeless accommodation, it was awful. Then one day several yrs later I met this great guy and thought all my dreams had come true. He is the most supportive person ever. I now have my daughter I brought up myself who is now 23yrs old a 4yr old and 5 yr old and a lovely house in a lovely little village. Just when I thought I had the perfect happy life, life gave me a physical illness and my self loathing and non self worth came bac, I battle everyday again to keep living but focus on the children and enjoy the simple things, walking to park, watching them laugh, smile. Life can turn around and am sure mine will again. All we can do is hope !

[Photogeek]

HI Lola, sorry you are in such pain, I separated back in 1987 , and although I did not children, it was still a wrench, especially when my ex had a son. It does get easier, and you do adjust to living alone and trying to change 1 little thing every day. Healthy Food Shopping Cooking a simple healthy meal for yourself. Get a hairdo, and try and pamper yourself every day, this may seem trivial and vain, but you sound as if your self confidence and self esteem are at rock bottom, that is to be expected. Write a list for tomorrow of the essential things to do, and list one thing to do that would improve your situation. i.e. Healthy food shopping.

Try and do a tiny little thing for you every day, once you do one thing, that will instantly give you that impetus to get you going. Do you support from friends? if so reach out to them too,

I have been there and Depression adds to it, but doing one thing can change the stagnation that comes with Depression. It does get better and you can build a good life for yourself, so cut yourself some slack, dont blame yourself, and put your best foot forward,

Big hug

Hannah