I have suffered from depression for years and have been hospitalized twice. I thought my life was getting back on track. I had love for the first time in a long time. He has now left me and I can't deal with the pain again. I've been in bed and not eaten for 5 days now. I have a good job at the moment. I'm not in great financial shape. I have no friends and only a sister who is good but doesn't understand.
I feel like I'm going under again. I have been researching suicide methods and I'm scared. No one can love me. Everyone leaves me. I drink a lot to block the pain. I wanted to find love and have my own family and friends with stability but now it seems too late. I'm 43 and desperately lonely and unhappy. I don't want to be the person I have become but can't see a way out.