I'm currently living with my boyfriend of 5 years, but recently I have decided to move out and for us to break up. We've both been really depressed and I feel we were bringing each other down and I've just been feeling really empty... I feel like we need to work on ourselves before carrying on with each other.
I'm supposed to be moving in with a girl I've met recently, who is a little mad. At first I thought this would be a good idea, but now it's real, I'm having second thoughts and there are a lot of people telling me I shouldn't live with her... I feel terrible, I can't seem to make any good decisions, I feel guilty about everything and my boyfriend has been really supportive which just makes things worse. I have no idea what to do, I'm so stressed out, financially, mentally, physically...Im tired all of the time and have started drinking constantly, only to end up feeling worse. I've also been looking for comfort from another man...this is horrible I know and completely unfair on my boyfriend, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing... and I hate myself for it, I have never cheated in my life before now, I mean at the moment we're broken up, but living together, so it's just as bad.
I haven't been able to concentrate on anything, I'm just in a constant state of panic, and often feel it would be easier to be dead, because then I wouldn't have to make any decisions and I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone.
I still love my boyfriend, and I hate that I'm having second thoughts about moving now, because we've already give in our notice and I've made plans to move out... and I just want to run away. I've never felt so low and alone in my life. I've tried making an appointment with a GP but they cant see me for another two weeks...
If anyone has any advice, it would be really helpful.
Thanks for reading,