I am writing on here because, like many of you, I have run out of options and people
to talk to... I'm feeling pretty trapped at the moment and as soon as I think about my
situation I either feel like crying, or I just feel dead...
I am currently in university and in a five year relationship... It's not going well and I'm
pretty sure it's all down to me and my indecisiveness... I'm struggling to figure out how
I feel about my partner, what I want out of life and all the rest. At the moment, I just feel
like giving up on everything, like I don't seem to care about anything... no matter what I do, I feel like it would be rendered pointless because eventually I'm going to die, and nothing will have mattered. I know this sounds over the top, but it's a truth I feel and often keep to myself because if I mentioned this to friends or family, they'd probably think I was being melodramatic.
Anyway, I'm stuck in a relationship that I don't think I want... I mean, I love him, he's my best friend...but I just don't seem to feel anything towards him...he loves me and wants to spend time with me, he's always doing things for me, like cooking and making gestures and I just end up getting angry with him and frustrated that he wants to spend time with me...It's weird, I think its because it makes me feel guilty for not reciprocating the feeling. And I can't stand to hurt him... I want to move out, but financially its really difficult and I have a fear of moving into a large house share as I like my own space and have certain social anxieties.
I have a lot of coursework to be doing, like dissertations etc and I'm coming into my final year in university and...I just don't want to do anything, everything seems like an impossible task and when I think about it all building up, i just shut down...
Recently, I haven't even been cleaning the house, or cooking or any work...I've been sleeping much more, I could easily sleep 14 hrs straight and then come the afternoon, I will be really tired once again. I've been drinking more and going out on the weekends and not coming back until the next morning, and this makes me a lot worse, but I seem to be craving any kind of escape I can get... Avoiding everything, home life, work life... and i just feel like, no one can help me and that I'm going to be stuck in this crappy situation forever...
If you've read this far, and can offer any advice, I would greatly appreciate it,
also I'm wondering if it's worth me seeing a GP? I'm very cynical when it comes to
talking to them about mental health...I feel as though they wouldn't see anything wrong
with me and turn me away.
Hope to hear from you,