I have suffered from anxiety and depression to varying degrees pretty much from my early teenage years.
It has been worse over the last few years since my 2nd marriage ended. I always feel like it was my fault that he went off with someone else and at Christmas to boot. I have brought up my child since the age of 6. Now a young adult aged 17 doing A levels. I am very proud how he has turned out; fantastic manners and high moral values.
Up until 2011 I had a full time job then was made redundant. My brother died that year and my sister was diagnosed with cancer (thank Heavens she is in remission).
I feel so selfish for feeling like this; even when I was working when Friday came and everyone was talking about what they were doing at the week-end I was just dreading how I would get through it.
I keep battering myself for what my sister endured and the fact my brother has passed away; what right have I to be so miserable?
My friends are all partnered up; my sister has a family of her own including Grandchildren and a happy marriage so I am lost as to what to do. (My parents passed away 21 and 18 years ago.)
It's Saturday again and I can't wait until bedtime; although I am tired I toss and turn and wake up very early to endure more hours of feeling like trash. I have jobs in the house I should be doing but have no wherewithall to do them.
I look out the window and see people passing by getting on with their lives and I feel like I have no part in society.
I keep applying for jobs but keep getting knocked back and my self esteem is at an all time low.
This can't be right to feel like this when life is so precious?