I've just come across this site as I have been googling and reading everything I can about depression to try and make sense of it all. I have had quite a bad episode and things have come to a bit of a head - not for the first time but the first time for a while and it's really thrown me. I have a job - I've just been signed off sick by the doctor for 2 weeks which is a relief but I'm already dreading going back. I have a great fiancé but I feel like I'm ruining my relationship by being like this. He tries to understand but I don't even understand what's happening in my head so I can't explain it to him and then he gets frustrated with me. I'm also very angry (again, not sure why exactly) so I take it out on him which I know is unfair but I can't seem to help myself. I have no desire to see anyone or do anything - could easily stay in bed all day but then hate myself even more for wasting the days.
I read a blog where someone said depression should make us come out in big green spots and that's so true. At least people would understand it's an illness - in fact maybe I'd come to terms with it being an illness. I feel like I should be able to just get up and get on with things - people have much worse stuff going on in their lives and still function so why can't I?
I hate being like this so why can't I just stop it?
Anyone feel the same?