:-) Real adverts found in the US

* Illiterate? Write today for help.

* Dog for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children.

* Auto Repair Service. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

* Stock up and Save! Limit one per customer.

* For sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

* Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

* Three-year-old teacher needed for preschool. Experience preferred.

* Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Salary and Blue Cross.

* We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

* Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

* Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts.

* Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

* For Rent: Six room hated apartment.

* We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.

* Man, honest, will take anything.

* Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first.

* Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops!

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