Letting down the family

[LittleMissBennet]

I know I can't be the only one who feels like every time I relapse I've let my family down. I am a bright, hardworking individual with a close-knit family but depression and anxiety prevent me from sticking to paths I've chosen. My family were all so proud when I graduated with a first class degree, secured a full-time job and met the love of my life all within the space of a couple of months. And that just makes it all the harder to share with them how crap I feel because a) they've had to deal with it all before so I feel like a constant burden and b) I'm worried they think I am work-shy because I haven't stayed long in any paid employment although I manage ok in education and voluntary work.

[Cinnamongirl]

Hi

I feel kind of the same. Even though deep down I know none of the illness is my fault, I can't help but feel like I'm to blame for feeling this way and am letting people down. I have a very supportive family and they are all very patient with me but I find it easier to speak to the doctor than I do with them. I Adam not a good communicator and I think that makes it worse. Recently I have been confiding more with a friend about how I'm feeling and this helps a little. Do you have a friend you can talk to?

I'm also off for (9 weeks now) and can't face going back even though I know I will have to - we need the money. This is causing me more stress even though they are being supportive up till now. I just wish there was more knowledge out there so people could have more understanding of what we are going through.

I'm sorry this turned into more of a rant. It was meant to be a supportive reply.

[Hidden]

Yep your not alone, i feel pretty much like a waste of space. Ive got m.e, chronic depression, on lots of heavy medication which makes me act retarded. Im not working, i have a child i cannot take care of full time any more due to my m.e getting worse so my parents have to help me. I feel worthless..but when i feel like this i remind myself i am ill, id love to be able to work, i love my daughter very much and im doing what is best for her & still have her on my good days, also i know my family are aware of what depression is and that it is not my fault,nor is it yours. When you feel like this look inside your self and ask your self am i trying as hard as i can? and if the answer is yes, then give yourself a brake! Once again its the depression that makes you feel like this, its the depression saying your a loser, you dont try hard enough,your not as good as everyone else,everybody hates you. well when you hear this...tell it to f**k off because its probably not true! sorry for the language. Dont let it grind you down!

[teajay]

I've felt the same way... the voice of depression... and the invisibility of this disability tends to cause problems... I get feedback from some family and friends, "You don't look depressed!" A friend always tells me when I worry about what other people are thinking about me is that they are not losing any sleep over what is happening with me.... so let it go and don't lose sleep over what they may or may not be thinking.

[Boozybird]

I have great sympathy for your feelings and share them but it doesn't really help thinking like this because it tends to create a negative spiral feeding the depression. As a depressive I've tried really hard to cover up the problem so family is least affected but I don't think I've done my kids any favours as they can be quite judgemental now too! Life IS suffering but we expect otherwise somehow. Billions of people live in abject poverty around the world and scared for their lives but in the uk we all expect everything. The pressure is too great. You all sound like high achievers and bizarrely all that hard work seems to add up to nothing in this shallow society where no one has time for anything or anyone so I'm not surprised you feel depressed and confused. The workplace is a horror filled with awful people... Like the person above says, give yourself a break. You deserve one! Your family will just be worried and you have not let them down. You have reached a point where you just need to think about what you want and need to do next for yourself and not others. Be kind to yourself.

[DrSt]

Hi. My Mother has a PhD, my Father was in the managing department of Child Protective Services, my Grandfather was a Dentist, my Great-Grandfather was a professor of advanced mathematics, and my Great Uncle has a professorship in Veterinary Science. And I get C's... I cry all the time because I'm so scared of being a blemish on the family record. Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try, I never pick up. In fact, as I'm writing this, I just finished NAPLAN, (which is like the SAT in Australia). And I was halfway through when the time was up. I understand that sometimes you feel like you can't escape. You need to think outside the box sometimes.

[Boddy1]

Hi there. So wonderfultimate you'very met a wonderful partner and you sound very intelligent and insightful. I'm bipolar have a masters degree but in the last 10 years have had 8 jobs and periods of unemployment. My illness is a big reason for this and I can'tell seem to handle job stress. You are not letting anyone down. You have an illness that is not your fault. You have the support of loving people. I understand all to well that depression is hell. It sounds like youre being very hard on your self I'm depressed and about to marry a wonderful man who gets my illness. I' very low but I have hope and have just signed up for further study as ithe gives me a purpose. I've surrounded myself in support and feel better for it. I wish you the best and be happy in love!