I'm getting a lot of pressure from my family to make up with my sister before the holidays. My sister has borderline personality disorder and bullied and abused me during our childhood. 3 years ago she got sober and worked a 12 step program and made tremendous progress. It was like she was a different person. She was grounded, rational, and much easier to approach. So, she asked me to come live with her and I did. We lived together in the same room for a year and were really close. We moved to another apartment and my new boyfriend gradually moved in with us.
This really changed the dynamic. She started to build up all these resentments against me, but never addressed them with me, until life stress got the best of her and she exploded on me. She still wasn't able to tell me specifically what I did that upset her, and so I couldn't do anything to change my behavior. I was left walking on eggshells, trying not to set her off. A lot more happened and my new boyfriend violated our privacy and trust by making a copy of our apartment key without permission. I addressed the situation with him and decided to give him another chance because I believed he cared too much about the relationship to jeapordize it again.
Needless to say, this led to a lot of issues between my sister and him and my sister and i. Her behavior was unpredictable. She offered him a key to the house (which was confusing) and then retracted, she began to slam doors and yell, throw things at me and threw a punch in my direction in response to minor roommate issues. But of course, it's never really about the issue at hand. It got so bad and i was living in fear at home that I decided to move out. She told me that I needed to fulfill my lease commitment and then told me to get out. And then she told my whole family that I had left her high and dry, as well as other personal information, and completely left out what she had done.
There's really a lot more to that story, but that's the gist. I am really angry and really hurt by her behavior and disappointed that she has not truly changed. We haven't really talked about what happened and I am really apprehensive to even try to repair the relationship. I'm not sure that I can tell her how her behavior has affected me without her blaming me and getting defensive, maybe even aggressive. I've thought about just apologizing for my part in the situation and leaving it at that, but if I don't address what has hurt me, I don't think I can get past it or have a relationship with her. Any advice?