Why do I self sabotage?

[montesace]

I repeat behaviors and patterns that I know are self defeating and harmful. It's like I have no self control. I want to stop hurting myself. I just can't get control over my self.

[Hidden]

Hello Montesace and welcome to our friendly Community.

I hear that you want to stop hurting yourself and gain more control of your 'self' in respect of defeating behaviours and patterns.

Montesace can I congratulate you on your self awareness. It is possible to change patterns of behaviour that you feel no longer serve you. You may find it helpful to have professional support from a therapist or psychiatric nurse as it can be very challenging changing long-established unhelpful behaviour patterns. I have included a brief outline of my personal journey below for you to read if you wish. However everyone's journey is different.

I personally have repeated self sabotaging behaviours and unhelpful thought patterns. I sought therapy via my GP here in the UK about an entirely seperate manner. It was during talking therapy that I became aware that many of my coping behaviours, thoughts and patterns were self sabotaging. With regular help from an excellent and trusted therapist I learned to become a loving and encouraging 'parent' to my 'inner child' so that she could grow and flourish and 'we' become a 'whole.' it was an amazing transformation.

I would not have been able to change unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours which were so ingrained without considerable help from a therapist, clinical psychologist and community psychiatric nurse. I had never been taught helpful thought patterns and behaviours, so had to identify and adopt new ones. Old patterns and behaviours fight back in the mind, they do not like being silenced. With strength, persistence and practise the new patterns and behaviours become incorporated into everyday life and old ways are eventually discarded.

I started to be in control of my self and to live life at peace with myself - a truly liberating feeling.

We are a supportive community so please feel free to post when you wish, take care

Lottie x

[chloe40]

Hi there montesace

A very warm welcome to our friendly Forum.

You have an awful lot of insight into your behaviour patterns and that's great! Now, you really could do with seeking professional help to break these habits, because that's all they are. That may sound easy enough but it can be very difficult to break long term behaviour patterns but you can do this, you really can.

You're worth so much more. Have you thought about CBT, a really good way to deal with your particular issue, why not look into it and see if it's for you. I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't have too much trouble finding a good therapist to help you and remember, we're here for you.

All the best

Chloe

[montesace in reply to chloe40]

I'm scared of therapy. I'm very private with my feelings, and am terrified of judgement. I feel like the only person I could open up to, is someone who has experienced it.

[chloe40]

I can understand your apprehension but please don't be scared montesace once you 'open up' to someone you'll feel so much better. Only you can make that first positive move forward, you can do it, honestly.

I'm hoping another member will also reply to you, so do check back.

You are always welcome here to offload anytime

Chloe

[montesace]

I misuse my Rx drugs, hoping to numb myself. It only causes more pain and self loathing. I have no self control it. It' like I'm possessed. Even though I feel worse it's like a demon in my head forcing me to do it. I have so much self loathing.

[EnergeticTortoise]

I can only send you light and Love. I completely relate. So when were at the bottom we're not alone