Hello my friends, i need a little help and guidance if you would please and its not to do with Tinnitus, you see i also suffer with Depression. To be honest my wife upset me yesterday as she told me that when i go down i go down badly she told me that lately i have far more downs than ups. When i am down i go into some very dark places and i find no joy in living and i weep. I am like a duck on a mill pond, on the surface i look calm and relaxed. But below the surface my leggs are going like stink. When i talk to people about their Tinnitus i can be calm and supportive and yet inside i am a mess. We have a son who uses us and recently because i refused to help him, he did something that went disastrously wrong after we strongly advised him against doing it, he launched into an onslaught of abuse and his words were so so hurtful that i went so far down i am now finding it hard to get up. I love my son but i really hate what he is. I know i should be talking about Tinnitus but you people are my friends and at the moment i need you.


12 Replies

  • Hi mate

    Really sorry about the place you are in Pete, no one except us here really understand what it's like.

    If you can can you take your self away for a day or two it might be what you need.

    Nothing better than walking along a beach, taking in the surf. Wish I could be more help.

    T buzzing round my head,think I will go clean the car and sort the shed

    I don't know you I don't know where you are but my thoughts are with you mate


  • Thankyou Gary for your support, its much appreciated. This coming Wed i am seeing my doc so perhaps he will help me but its people like you that i need at this moment. Once again, thankyou.


  • Hi Peter,

    If you go down the antidepresant route consider nortryptaline as it can.lower tinnitus and help you sleep and lift your mood.

    I have had great benifit from it with my ears on 50mg and doses above 75mg help depression.

    Also MIND or Mental Health are great to talk to for depression and helped me.

    With mind you get 10 50 min sessions face to face with loveĺy counsellor.

    Mental health have a acsess team and can visit you at home .

    Welcome pm me anytime....lots of love glynis

  • Thankyou Glynis, i am very grateful for your reply and i will ask my doctor about that drug you recommended. I confess this is not new to me over the years i have had many bouts of depression but i sincerely feel sorry for my wife having to put up with me when i get like this, she really is one of the best.


  • Don't suffer in silence as it's like tinnitus and both hidden conditions others carnt see or hear or feel what we go through.

    You will get lots of support on here and don't forget check out the main BTA websight

    ..lots of love glynis

  • Hi Pete, I've just got home after new year at my partners. Sorry to read you're starting the year feeling so low. Families bring much happiness but of course things are sometimes said that should be left unsaid. Your son would not have meant those unkind words and is probably wishing he hadn't said them. I agree with Glynis that anti depressants would help. I had never suffered from depression until the T got me, fortunately my go prescribed Mirtazapine 30mg which gradually lifted my depression/anxiety - unfortunately I gained weight and went up a dress size! As I was weaned off it my weight returned to normal. Being outdoors and keeping occupied- yes I know it's hard - are the best ways to fight both T and D. At least we are still alive - I lost my dear cousin to cancer last year - he was only 59 - and that made me realise that I had to make the best of what I had. Hope you're feeling a little better love Angela xx

  • Hi Pete so sorry to hear of your depression families can be difficult from my experience as a nurse who saw at first hand how family relationships can effect your everyday living when you yourself are having more downs than ups your immediate family sometimes has to give that little bit more in ways to stop you having down days which can be shown in different ways just some encouraging words or giving you a treat or even a hug all of which is positive when you take a decision to not help your children I presume your son knows you suffer with tinnitus and depression he clearly was in wrong to react towards you knowing the hurt and pain it would do to you in your present state of health maybe when things have calmed down and your son is ready to talk in a calm and constructive manner he will see why you took the decision and see sense and you can built a better relationship with your son and he return can say sorry and move on I hope this helps life is precious no matter how many problems we all have in our lives take care. Dave

  • Obviously tinnitus contributes to a depressive state - the usual tolerance has been depleted . Although amtriptyline and nortriptyline are recommended, I am concerned to read that they can lead to suicidal thoughts .... that can't help surely? How about 5HTR which is a natural serotonin lifting product ... Holland and Barrett here we come.

    I totally agree about taking a break away if possible. Travelzoo and Secret Escapes have terrific offers and exploring new territory can just divert the mind and fill it with good memories.

    Good luck everyone!

  • Helo Peter,

    firstly i am new on here, but secondly , our children often let us down and can at times give a torrent of abuse that i am sure he probably didn"t mean, but you know Peter, it is okay to sit and weep sometimes, because if that is how you feel, it is important to express just thta, and even if the people around you are not always sympathetic, it doesnt mean that they do not care, i am sure they all love you dearly, and it is because you put on a lovely brave face for everyone, that they do not see just how down you get, we have all been there, please dust yourself down and try really hard to have some positive thinking, because i can see by your post you are a terrific help to lots of people on this site, always positive, maybe you just need to give yourself a little TLC, our children use us because we let them, i am guilty of that myself, maybe he needs a little tough love, and you and your wife need some you time. hope you feel better.

  • Hello Sue, my son,he is 46 by the way, over the years has caused us a tremendous amount of grief we have shed buckets for him. He has called us at all times of the day and night and we have been there for him, but the time has come for us to do what some may consider to be a selfish act and that is to think of ourselves and to walk away, we are nearly 73. Just before Christmas for the first time we said NO! and i then had my nose well and truely rubbed and what he said to me hurt me to the core and i very much doubt wether i will get over it. Yes i will forgive but i wont forget. You know yesterday i looked up in my search engine PEACE OF MIND, look it up some of the sayings are brilliant, and one of the sayings helped me because it advocated "Walking Away" and this certainly did me good. I will always deeply love my son but having said that it does not stop me being ashamed of what he has become and i am sure if you only new you would understand. But thankyou kindly for your reply i sincerely do appreciate it.

    Sincere and very best wishes, Pete.😆

  • Hi Pete

    I wondered how you're feeling and if the meds your GP gave you are working, citalapram and mirtazepine I believe you were given and I was looking to see if you'd posted whether you felt any benefit from them.

    I hope you're having a good day any way.

    All the best


  • Hi Kimmie, thankyou for your reply it was very much appreciated. To be honest i am a little nervous at taking so many drugs, you see, with the Mirtazapine, i take another four other drugs as well, for other problems, problems that come with getting old and so i havent taken the citalapram, but i think the time is coming when i will have to. Yesterday was a particularly bad day for me i was on the floor so today i have decided to take a leaf out of my own book and get out for a walk. I have medication to pick up from the chemist so instead of using the car i will walk and all in all i should be out for an hour. But once again thanks for asking of me.

    Best wishes, Pete.😆

You may also like...