Waiting For the Shoe To Drop: I have had... - My OCD Community

My OCD Community

9,174 members3,507 posts

Waiting For the Shoe To Drop

KatJ1982 profile image
13 Replies

I have had two consecutive good days at work. Work has always been one of my biggest triggers. Everything seems to be going fine. There are no fires to put out, and I am accomplishing all of my goals. I should be happy, but I have a little anxiety.

My main compulsion is checking. I am now looking for things to go wrong and creating issues in my head. I know a lot of these scenarios may never happen. I want to relax and stop myself from ruminating. Does anyone experience anything similar?

Written by
KatJ1982 profile image
KatJ1982
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
13 Replies
LiveOutLove_22 profile image
LiveOutLove_22

Hey I also have checking compulsion it’s not my main one. I have and struggle with Contamination OCD. I tend to rummuniate a lot and get stuck in a cycle with thoughts. I also tend to check things over and over a couple times and repeat things. I always assume the worst and rarely does the worst happen. As far as the ruminating goes my therapist says you just have to let it pass and learn how to deal with the uncertainty because that’s life. I find that distracting myself and staying busy is better than sitting and doing nothing. But to be honest I’m still trying to find the relief from intense ruminating thoughts. I wish you the best just know your not alone.

KatJ1982 profile image
KatJ1982 in reply to LiveOutLove_22

Thank you for your kind words. I just researched a technique called rumination-focused ERP. You may want to research this technique too. I hope your thoughts lessen.

LiveOutLove_22 profile image
LiveOutLove_22 in reply to KatJ1982

Hey thanks for researching it. I’m actually seeing a therapist and we are doing ERP therapy and I’m on medication. That is still something we are working on some days and weeks it’s better than others. But still thank you for sharing. I wish I could give you more answers on how to stop the rumination but I’m still in the process of it myself. I wish you the best definitely use this community for guidance and help. It’s been really nice to have a community that understands what we’re all dealing with and going through.

Lauragbr profile image
Lauragbr

Yes, yes and yes! OCD makes you feel like the shoe is going to drop. And I can definitely relate to the checking, I do that too. I’m 69 and I have had OCD off and on since I’m 15. As for the rumination, I call it “ going down the rabbit hole”. The more you do it the more OCD wins and I know exactly how it feels when it pulls you in. You will never find the answer that satisfies you, so I would advise you to try and resist the pull. It is HARD and it will create anxiety but I agree with your therapist you have to live with uncertainty. The more you do this the easier it will be, but it will take time. As for the checking, it’s a way to make yourself feel safe, but you’re right it’s a compulsion. When I find myself doing that I try and pull myself back to the present moment, sometimes it takes many tries.

KatJ1982 profile image
KatJ1982 in reply to Lauragbr

Thank you for your reply. I am sorry for your lifelong struggles. You're right about feeling safe, which makes it hard to live with uncertainty. I have to learn to accept that I cannot guarantee a safe life.

Hi Katie, I know first hand how challenging it can be to break the rumination cycle Are you working with an Ocd Specialist to help with some strategies. What helps me is 5 sense mindfulness, which takes practice to help to stay in present moment. A hobby can be quite helpful and when your in what I call the thought loop and to engage in conversation with a relative or friend. Hope this can be helpful

KatJ1982 profile image
KatJ1982 in reply to

Thank you for your reply. Yes, that it helpful. I am currently working with a specialist. I recently discovered a passion for art. I started coloring and drawing with an online class. I have to focus so hard on making the lines perfect that I forget whatever stress I was dealing with.

in reply to KatJ1982

I am so glad you found a hobby in art. Try not to focus too hard on the perfect. lol It is OK to be perfectly imperfect

deValentin profile image
deValentin

Most experts agree that 'what if' questions feed OCD. People with OCD often wonder, what if something bad happens when I stop checking or ruminating at a certain time? Because it's possible that something bad may happen, they can't bring themselves to stop checking or ruminating when it would be reasonable to do so.

They often fail to realize that, as 'what if' questions can affect their behaviors one way, they also can affect their behaviors the other way. For instance, people with OCD could wonder, what if endless checking or ruminating doesn't bring the peace of mind I'm desperately looking for? What if OCD doesn't deliver on its promises? It's not always easy, but, by asking oneself 'what if' questions from the other side, one may gradually become more disposed to make decisions that take into account the whole picture. It's at least my experience.

KatJ1982 profile image
KatJ1982 in reply to deValentin

Thanks for your reply. I've never tried the positive side of 'what if.' I guess OCD makes me see the negative. I'm glad this has worked for you!

deValentin profile image
deValentin in reply to KatJ1982

You're welcome. I must add, though, that questioning the value of my ruminations or checking with appropriate 'what if' questions is not enough. For instance, if I'm lost in the desert without water, even if I say to myself "what if I never find any source of water?", I may nevertheless feel compelled to look for some, in spite of no visible signs of water around me. The "hoping against hope" survival mechanism kicks in.

It's why, if I ever want to have a chance to regain some freedom from OCD, I must also find other ways to find peace of mind than OCD. For instance, I practice exposure and response prevention (ERP): for the passing of time to wear out irrational impulses, I try, to the best of my abilities, to stop acting on them. I also practice some acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT): for the passing of time NOT to wear out my value-based intentions, I carry them out without unnecessary delay.

Sallyskins profile image
Sallyskins

I think many of us here know how that feels! Feeling great, and then thinking that feeling great isn't normal, and expecting a seagull to plop on you at any moment.

I think one way of coping is to enjoy the moments - notice things, flowers in somebody's garden, or in your own garden, dogs playing in the park, coffee with friends - anything that floats your boat. Don't ruminate - just enjoy.

I think that the more we can enjoy the little things, the more they add up to contentment. Make sure that you have other things in life than work - hobbies and socializing etc - to keep you busy, but not so busy as to make you tired.

Some people find a sort of meditation in drawing, or learning to draw, whether at a class or on your own. It doesn't matter if you're any good or not - in fact most people can learn to draw competently. It's just about losing yourself in the moment. And it doesn't require expensive equipment or buying a lot of stuff. Just a cheap notepad or scrap paper (it can feel easier to experiment on cheap paper) and a few pencils or crayons.

KatJ1982 profile image
KatJ1982 in reply to Sallyskins

Thank you for replying. I just very recently discovered a passion for art. I was able to find some very cheap supplies. I need to remember to draw or color more often. This board has been my socializing. I'll remember to post about good days also.

You may also like...

I need help not showering whenever I go to the bathroom

that on while i'm going to the toilet because my biggest fear is touching my body hair ( etc ) any...

My Biological family is unsupportive

was just making excuses as far as why I am only working part time and not full time. He also told...

Every kind of OCD symptom imaginable-help

tips/suggestions/help you folks have that works for you, as nothing seems to work for me. Thanks,...

I don't know what to do anymore.

doesn't work. I need medications, but they don't work. I needed to be hospitalized, and it didn't...

Struggling with OCD and Anxiety, I am new here

6 weeks, I had a lot of anxiety after having coffee. Even though the anxiety has passed, I am still...