*****SENSITVE POST*****

[Babyluck95]

I've never been so utterly heartbroken in all my life, been for a 9 week 5 day scan today and there is no heartbeat 💔! We went through icsi treatment our first ever one, and at the end we got a positive, went for a scan at our fertility clinic and could see a heartbeat but was measuring a week behind for dates, I started brown spotting at around 5 weeks up until now, went for another scan and It had grown and still a heartbeat 1 week ago, went toilet yesterday and wiped pink blood so I booked a private scan for today and no heartbeat! I can't believe how devastated we are! My sister is due 3 months before we were supposed to have ours and this is her 5th one so I don't know how I'm going to cope, I never felt pain like this before 😭 any ideas on what will happen next as our fertility clinic discharged us x

[Jess1981]

when I saw this post thought it was happy story I am so so sorry it wasn’t better news. I have been there many times- I’ve had a late loss at 20 weeks ( told at my scan shocked wasn’t the word) 6 losses ( including chemicals and incomplete loss last year at same stage as you) it’s just heartbreaking . In between losses I’ve been blessed with 2 beautiful girls which I’m thankful for. When I had my first loss the early pregnancy unit told our fertility doctor and we went back to him ( we didn’t do ivf but I did have more surgeries to treat my endometriosis it wasn’t an easy To have our girls ) i am so sorry for what you are going through-it’s such a shock when you haven’t had symptoms of anything being wrong. 😭 time is the only healer and I do hope you have plenty of support and I’m so sorry for your loss Xx

[Babyluck95 in reply to Jess1981]

Omg I'm so lost for words and I'm so sorry you've been through hell , it seems nothing is Easy with this ivf and infertility treatment, just can't understand why mother nature would let you get pregnant just to take it all away seems so unbearably cruel! I just keep crying randomly and then I feel positive for a bit and then it just comes and goes again feel all over the place, but as the saying goes what doesn't kill you makes you stronger I guess I just wish this dull painful feeling would be over with quickly 💔 I'm so glad it apart of it has worked out for you and I'm sure your girls are treasured, thank you for your reply xx

[RedFox23]

I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s heartbreaking. I’ve had something similar recently and felt quite alone but there are so many women on here who unfortunately know how you feel.

Be kind to yourself and take all the time you need to process what’s happened. Take each day at a time because some days you might be filled with grief whilst others you might feel stronger.

I honestly thought I’d be sad forever but time is the greatest healer. Sending you lots of love and strength. X

[Brie889]

hey, I’m sorry I don’t have any advice but I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Please look after yourself and partner too. ❤️❤️

[MagicTourmaline]

I am soo sorry for your loss... 😔 There are no words how painful that is... 💕Same thing happened to me 2 years ago, 9w4d, nothing indicated there was something wrong had a scan at 6.5 weeks seen the heartbeat and at the 10 weeks scan they said there was no heartbeat... I never felt so much pain in my life... 😔 I am so sorry it happened to you...

My MMC was dealt with the EPU unit in the Hospital, but had to let the clinic know too...

Be gentle with yourself! Sending you lots of love... message me if you want to chat...💕💕💕

[Ctk123]

I’m so sorry. My first miscarriage was after we’d been discharged from our clinic (I’ve also had a chemical pregnancy and just had a blighted ovum loss last week). I just assumed everything would be fine after we saw the heartbeat and the shock was unbearable. You need to get back in touch with your clinic and let them know about your loss, they’ll likely book you in for a follow up consultation when you are ready - I rushed mine and found it very upsetting, so listen to your feelings. If you haven’t already used it, you should be entitled to a counselling session through the clinic, which I’d recommend using. Contact your local early pregnancy unit as soon as possible as they will need to see you for a scan and possible management of miscarriage. Sending lots of love x

[Babyluck95]

Thank you for all your kind comments ❤️ Somehow I feel a little bit better but I know that won't last for long, I have a scan tomorrow at the fertility clinic so they can confirm the no heartbeat and I also have a hospital appointment Friday so they can give me my options I would of thought, it sucks because we all know doing fertility treatment there is a chance of miscarriage or anything bad happening but we just think we're gonna be one of the lucky ones and unfortunately that's not the case for most of us, thank you all for your support and I'm also sorry we share similar stories xx

[Et88 in reply to Babyluck95]

I am thinking of you ! I am so so sorry you are going through this now

[Babyluck95 in reply to Et88]

Thank you, just have to be strong ❣️

[Kate-92]

sending love & strength x so sorry to read that this has happened

[AJKP]

Oh I'm so sorry, it's utterly heartbreaking. I found being around new borns extremely difficult, my best friend had just had twins when we lost our twins. I kept a distance and explained to her why, she completely understood. Once the babies moved out of new born I found it easier to be around them, think its because I had not got as far as imagining having older babies. Protect yourself and do what you need to do to cope. I just phoned my clinic back up and got seen, without having to go through the initial processes again, hoping it's the same for your clinic.

Sending big hugs xxx

[Stylishinsa]

Sending you love and hugs im so sorry youre going through this .. it is soo so unfair… life is unfair… I hope you get answers and a way forward… and a baby in your arms soon… take care of you!

[Twiglet2]

I’m so so sorry 😢 we had something similar at the end of last year (due date would have been now) and it’s really hard to not be angry and frustrated after being so close! But it does get a little easier with time. But there is defo the counselling option as it is a big loss and burden to bare so sometimes talking it through with someone trained to help us and impartial can be useful.

In terms of the physical next steps I stopped meds once clinic finally confirmed no heartbeat anymore we were offered the option tk wait and see what happened naturally, a pill to start the misscariage (either at home or hospital) or medical management/D&C. They were advocating against medical management if possible in my case as it is a big op under a general. I opted to try for a week at home and to come back to the clinic in a week to see what happened. I decided this as I have had a few earlier losses and coped okay at home and also as the other 2 options meant I couldn’t try again for a little while (due to the chemicals used in one and the surgery recovery in the other) as well as the risk of scarring. They did warn me I might have to go down this route anyway if it didn’t all happen fully at home. I had had no bleeding at all at this point but after 6-7 days I did start to bleed so asked them to postpone my rescan appointment by a few days as I felt it would happen soon and it did. Passed large clot and painful cramping and heavy for a few hours one day very similar to the other losses I had had. When I went to the clinic for the follow up scan they could see I would still bleed for a while but they were happy that everything had passed and I didn’t need surgery. Which felt like a small bit of luck amongst all the pain. My periods returned to normal after a month or so of being a little off and I’ve went on to do another egg collection since.

I know the emotional side of things is harder but I was a bit worried about the physical side of things so I just wanted to give you my experience in case it was helpful. I’m thinking of you 💜😢

[Glaedy]

I am so sorry for your loss! None of us should go through something like this after all weve been through with ivf and other treatments 😢 it's so unfair. My heart and thoughts are with you.One of my losses was also a day after we were discharged from the clinic, my husband called them that I am in the hospital waiting for D&C because of hemorrhage and that they didn't see what was there day before. My clinic asked if we want to be contacted or if we would like to call them when we are ready to talk.

[nat55zt]

So unfair! I am so sorry for your loss.

[Sansan87]

hi Babyluck

I’m so so so sorry to hear about your loss. I’ve been in a similar situation to have first seen a heartbeat and for it to then stop. It really is heartbreaking. It also must be so hard to see your sister having her 5th. All I will say is time will heal, look after yourself and don’t lose hope for the future.

Sending love

[Doodlebug23]

So sorry. Take care of yourself xx

[Babyluck95]

Thank you, I am overwhelmed with all the lovely comments and how many of you ladies who have actually been through this and worse! This really is a long old journey, what makes it worse even more is I suppose to be going abroad today and they won't give us our money back so that's near enough 2000 pounds we have lost as well as our baby 😢, I am planning on booking another trip for the 6th of June thought I know it doesn't seem like a top priority right now and I might be selfish but we just need to get away from all of this for a while! Do you think the miscarriage would of passed by then or do you think I should be it for later ? Xx

[Babyluck95 in reply to Babyluck95]

Sorry *book it for later I mean

[CardiGrey]

I’m so sorry for your loss xx

[alma88]

I’m so sorry for your loss, seems to be happening more often via IVF unfortunately is a risk we took when we embarked on this journey. I’ve just had a D&C 2 weeks ago after a failed medicated miscarriage when heartbeat stopped at8w5d. I started bleeding at 6w and discovered a large hematoma next to fetus, although I was somehow expecting it as I knew I had high miscarriage risk was still painful when been told heartbeat stopped😔. I wish you a speedy recovery and an easy miscarriage management so you can move on. I know is not easy and I still find myself ocasionally crying and although I should probably take a break after I ended up in A&E , I feel a step closer to my dream and already planning my next transfer. I try to take the good parts(implanting, my body reacting well to meds) and stay positive.Its hard and feels so unfair but you got this, you are stronger than you think x x

[Kclaxton89]

can I say I’ve been exactly where you are…. Last year to the date today I had to get a DNC because there was no heartbeat at 9 weeks and my best friend and I had the same exact due date and I had to be happy for her as she went on with her pregnancy and currently another friend of mine had one ivf cycle got pregnant on the first try and is due in June while I’ve been trying to get pregnant for the past few months naturally I don’t think you ever get over the heartbreak …. So I am praying for you and hoping that you will start to see some brighter days but give yourself time to grieve , lay in bed , eat junk and cry …. Then pick yourself up and know that you are strong , beautiful and amazing and soon you will have your baby

[Babyluck95]

Tbh I'm feeling a little bit more positive today, when I went for my fertility scan today its the first time I haven't cried at a scan in a while, I guess I'm just trying to protect myself from what is actually happening so I'm kinda numb to the point where my partner is more emotional than me, but of course he will be it was his baba as well, I've now booked a holiday for June so I'm just going to concentrate on that for now, the clinic have also booked us in for a consultation a few days before our holiday to discuss the next transfer which my partner wants to do when we get back from the holiday but we need to discuss this when that time comes because I don't know if I will be mentally prepared just yet. And of course I don't know what the miscarriage will be like so we will have to see, it was also really hard today chucking our 15 positive tests away, really wanted to keep them all but I kept one and will put it in a box with all the baby scans 💞 even if we do achieve a live baby someday I will never forget this little baba that tried for as long as she or he could 😭

[Babydust2023]

I am so so sorry to read this! We’re going through the aftermath of a miscarriage right now and it’s so hard. We have a failed ICSI in January and fell pregnant naturally the month after - literal miracle! Seen a heartbeat at 5 weeks and then it wasn’t there at 7.5. Heart broke doesn’t even cover it so I know the feeling! Look after yourself ❤️