Groinal Response During Sex and Continuing

[GFarg]

I can’t go on. This keeps coming back.

I stopped during sex because of all my intrusive thoughts, but then I had one about a child which gave me a groinal response and pushed me towards climaxing.

I then continued even after thinking it over. Part of my brain was saying the stop, the other part was saying ignore it (as most therapists would tell you).

Even if I couldn’t control the thought, a second flash that was probably just a face, I continued when I shouldn’t have.

Maybe I told myself it was okay to continue because I was on the verge of climaxing and it was such a strong feeling that I wanted to tell myself it was okay.

I’m a pedo and deserve to die. It’s sad to know a thought I couldn’t control has ruined my life but it has.

I just can’t kill myself because my family need me, so it’s an existence of misery and this going round in my head 24/7.

[Natureloverpeace]

OCD attacks what we value and the thoughts are ego-dystonic. The thoughts go against what we value. The things is that they are just thoughts, nothing more. Thoughts don’t equal action. Patrick McGrath, Ph.D. from NOCD takes his clients who have intrusive thoughts about pushing someone down the stairs or in front of a moving train, to the top of staircases and train platforms. He trusts that they won’t harm him because OCD intrusive thoughts are ego-dystonic. No one has pushed him down the stairs or in front of a moving train all the years he’s been doing this.

[GFarg in reply to Natureloverpeace]

But the thought pushed me towards climaxing and I continued, so I did react to it. It’s entirely different.

[Natureloverpeace in reply to GFarg]

You didn’t harm a child.

[GFarg in reply to Natureloverpeace]

But I’m still a sick freak and reacted to it and it pushed me to climax, uncontrollably or not.

[TrueBlue23]

Do you normally get these sort of thoughts in normal day to day activities or was this just out of the blue? You can't control what comes in your head. If you don't normally get these sort of thoughts then It would seem to be a one off and it just happened to come into your head at the wrong time and then triggered this response. If you are regularly having these types of thoughts on a daily basis though that's when I think you need to be concerned and should maybe seek help.

[GFarg in reply to TrueBlue23]

Yes, I have them a lot as I have a long history of OCD and have had numerous amounts of therapy but it never goes away.

I’ve had better spells but there’s no spinning this one. It could’ve been a thought of a Christmas tree and it would’ve been fine, but no matter how hard it was to stop (given the strong feeling), I should have and didn’t, so I’ve done something very wrong and need to pay the price.

It’s not going to go away, so if I decide to continue living it will be with me forever.

[TrueBlue23 in reply to GFarg]

You haven't actually done anything wrong in terms of harming anyone so please don't think like that. If you are worried about these thoughts, which you clearly are, then please try and seek help. Suffering with OCD can mess totally with your rational thinking, and though your thoughts may not be nice , at least you recognise that and you can get help to deal with them. Please don't think that the only way out is by killing yourself. The very fact you're concerned about your thoughts shows you're not a bad person so don't believe that you are.