I hate to sound like broken record. Im stuck in past remembering all the bad events of my life and dreding the future as I age.
I cant seem to get my act together. Ive worn out my welcome every where I go.
Drugs, meditation, therapy dont seem to help. Been this way since 13 yrs old.
i`m sorry to hear that peaceneed wish I had an answer but always got the same feelings.
What makes me mad is that I was made this way by bullying in school and parents who should not have had kids in the first place.
PeaceNeed
This is the hard part, trying to put our lives together after someone broke us
🐬
More like smashed to pieces!
I won't argue that point. I have PTSD from childhood trauma. I know what you are saying
I have ptsd havnt been able to get effective treatment.
We have a community called
Heal My PTSD
If you want to post there with some questions we would be happy to help you.
I have been very fortunate to have proper care for the last 10 years
How do i get in touch with ptsd group?
Healing can happen even when we are not expecting it.
It can happen, we can make it happen
Big hug to you
❤️🐬
Yes we can. ❤️⭐️
My therapist kept saying im doing so much better but it was t good enough for me… just kept trying and have now healed significantly after a lifetime of pain. And I know you have worked so hard too- pays off eventually
I feel like we may be the last ones to see progress. It comes in those baby steps and we can be very critical of ourselves for not jumping hurdles faster
I think you’re right ❤️
(((((((((Hug)))))))))
Thank you.
Not to sound trite, but rumination keeps us stuck. We cannot change the past, and we don't know the future because it hasn't happened yet. We only have the here and now. If I start on that rumination merry-go-round, I just keep chasing my tail, and it's the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So just stop... divert your thinking somehow, whether it's watching a movie, reading a book, doing crafts, or anything positive to break that cycle...it's how you stop repeating the pattern.
Im trying to do things to distract....art...movies...etc. For me its a daily striggle. I have days where I would like to give up.
I meant struggle....
I can't spell to save my life kiddo...so my lifesaver is a spell check app. on my Firefox. I also use Word to write, it checks my grammar and typo's too. I still end up going back over posts and find errors, thankfully there's an edit option. It's a mental block hold over from going to 20+ different schools before I got out of high school....I was always the new kid who never had a chance to learn like the other kids. |So even today, my brain just is stuck. But... it is what it is, and I just cope with it.
I can understand that.... some days just suck. But others don't. And I know, I empathize with you on the struggle.
Starrlight suggested a new way to approach rumination I've been practicing lately. Saying "fly away," and visualizing a bird taking off in flight. Watching it fly off. I've got pictures of birds in my photos, looking at a favorite one as I say "fly away" helps.
At this point Im open to any suggestions.
I love this suggestion x
I used to have dreams of flying as a kid... great idea
Another one that I’m using right now is “less importance” when ruminate and want to stop letting it get power over me.
Hello. Feel ya. Rumination sucks... especially when it sneaks up on you and you realize how you've just spent the last 45 minutes. Be patient with yourself; sometimes I can break away from it and catch myself in time, other times i catch on too late and can't get my brain to shut it down, and other times it's been going on for days like a faucet you left open and is causing a flood....
In bed at night is the worst time for me. I struggle to turn off my mind. An audiobook playing by my bed helps. Sometimes I miss a piece of the story while my mind does its broken record thing. Going back and concentrating on the story's nice.
I just finished reading 2 books by Pearl Buck....took me a month.
I struggle to read now too. You finished though! Congratulations.
Thank you.
You're welcome. Did you enjoy them? I haven't read her in a long time.
Reply yes I did. Forget titles. One was about missionary the other about family and sons.
I too look back at my life and see how people let me down I try not to dwell on it but I get new insights all the time so feel this is actually a necessary process to make sense of and understand my life so maybe its the same for you I saw on your profile you live in US maybe this product could help you - check with your GP first
Not a lot I can say. But that I understand what you're going through. I do the same thing. ADHD definitely does not help. Impulse behavior for me is an nightmare. Resisting an emotional flashback sometimes isn't even an option because my impulsive behavior sends me straight into danger town 😅. Theres a lot though you can try doing, and never stop trying. I read audiobook for example they help me focus on a world that isn't mine. It's actually inspired me to start trying to write my own book. Based on space sci-fi, military combat, humor, and even the human condition. You could try painting to express your feelings onto canvas. Heck if you want too this place would be a great place to share art. If you got friends to talk to, try giving them a call. Keep seeking help like this because I understand what you mean by broken record. My friends called me that one time and it crushed my soul. I managed to change their thoughts on me with effort. True friends listen and try their best to understand and don't forget to stand up for your own needs just like this post. Sometimes we just need a little acknowledgement or caring words from others.
Love to you my friend. My hope goes to you for improvement because I know you can do it.❤️
Matt
Thank you for response. Impulse is a big problem for me. I will look into resources other members gave me.
You’re not alone in this. I, too, often replay negative moments of my past. Mine are mostly of when people have made me feel terrible about myself. I find myself feeling the same amount of shame that I did back then. I’m not sure what bad events in your life your mind has been recalling but I hope talking about it here helps you. I know how discouraging it can feel when therapy, mediation and all those things that are supposed to help, don’t.
My family tore me apart basically for being ill. I got fed up and said that to my morone brother ( Maga person).My mothers behavior really and my father was a violent frobisoner.
Im trying to deal with all this crap. I very fatiqued and cry alot.
I am the same, no medication or therapy has helped me, and like you my early years were very difficult ,and more so because i am a sensitive , and these things hurt me even as an adult.
Hi PeaceNeed. I too am stuck in the past, but I have a slightly different take with the bad events of my life. As for the things and events that happened to "me", well, I forgive, it's something I realized long ago that to blame really doesn't help me, it just keeps the process going and going. On the other hand, I will open up and tell you in a different way why I feel bad about the past events of my life, and it is this, it's the way I handled myself with past family members and the way I acted sometimes. You see, I was very strong willed and vocal with my thoughts in my early years, I always thought I was right, when in reality all these years later, I sadly realize I was not. I can blame it on youth, being strong-willed, not having the patience like I should have, being in a bad mood at the time, being selfish at times, and just totally not understanding different things that only come with life's events that one has to go through to really understand. I so wish now that I was more understanding, caring, more level headed, less angry, more tolerant, more peaceful, with the people that now I miss the most, beloved family members that I can no longer see anymore to just once have the never ending wish to just apologize to them, but I can't, and this can be one of the most sad and dreadful feelings to have when it rears it's ugly head. I sometimes feel helplessly lost with these thoughts because there's nothing I can do now to change the past. Because of these thoughts, I strive and try to not be like that anymore because to walk around with that kind of guilt is totally devastating. Those beloved relatives have all passed on. Please understand that there were many, many good times also, it's just that I dwell on the times that weren't. I really do miss these people now more than ever.
Every thing you wrote applies to me. People wronged I cant apologize to now long gone. Racked by gut wrenching guilt.
Hi PeaceNeed. As the saying goes, "time heals all", you mentioned in posting that you will soon be 65, I will soon be 70. Seems like we've been going through this for quite some time and these thoughts still materialize for us. It's really tough dealing with these thoughts after all this time, I'm starting to believe that perhaps the older we are getting, there might be more clarity with the events because of having possibly more wisdom of knowing better now than before, be it positive or negative. I sure do see things a lot differently now than I did years ago.
I see past events with clarity and end up feeling guilt and depression. The thoughts are intrusive and very painful. It's happening as I type this text.
Get it written down, and burn it, do it 2/3 times, really helps me, talk, shout, rant, rave, remember other people do not control us, we control how we feel or react to them, you can do this, you absolutely can, and take small steps, one sentence- burn, and then you an be like me and run out of matches! HUGS xxxx
OMG I have just written a letter to my sons sister, 2 pages long, I burnt it outside and it burnt so quickly, which is really good , it dissolved into the earth, and I covered the ashes with soil, feel so much better, its important not to re read it! Its so powerful x
PeaceNeed. Unfortunately there are too many of us like you. Damaged by inadequate parenting and bullying school kids etc. If we were plants we would have died.But we are humans. The fact that you are still here maybe scarred but not BROKEN shows how resilient,determind & strong you are. Trauma, anxiety & depression are not for sissys but the strong. Its an unfair world. We are not allmade the same, my sister being emotionally abused was like water running off a ducks back. Didnt affect her much while when it was done to me, it crushed my spirit because it went deep inside. i am in my sixties now having had anxiety & depression plus Chronic Fatigue fora great deal of my life. I did medication, counselling and any thing that was offered. Definately helped a little fgor some of the time. I have no family of my own due to my childhood experiences and my sensitive personality.
However hard it is i have decided to stop blaming anyone because it kept me stuck.i dont wish to carry my sack of anger,resentment,hate,self pity and hurt any longer. No matter how justifable it is. Its too heavy and it hurts me not the perpertrators. Under all these feelings is grief, grief for what we did not get as children. Oh boy is there alot of grief. My parents probably like yours were not capable of raising children because they were not raised properly by their parents. I am in the process of forgiving my parents because itsets me free of rumination and the past. I joined a 12 step program to help me to get free of yesterday and live today in peace and understanding. I have to make the best of whats left of my life and so can you. You deserve it, you deserve peace,health and sunshine on your face. Acceptance and forgiveness and grieg seem to be the key, it is for me anyway.
I was thinking of my father today and saying to myself I can forgive but cant forget. I still got angry and cursed him out.My health is bad , I'll be 65 this month. Im intelligent and well educated but I was damaged.
Im trying to be more compassionate and forgiving. It ain't easy.
I have a negative tape in my head that wont stop every bad event in my life going back 50 years . My head is like a f@#$ing garbage can of negativity.
I sympathise, it is not an easy journey & it takes time. You cant forgive until all the pushed down emotions over the years are felt & released. Its not your fault that your head is full of negativety. It is what depression does to our minds by its very nature. If you could find a good medication just to raise your mood your mind wouldnt be so negative and then start the process of caring about yourself, finding who you are underneath all the hurt. Remember diamonds are produced under extreme pressure. You can never be the man you could have been if life had given you what you needed instead of what you got. You can be a good man today who decides to accepts his past ,because it can never be any different to what it was. Get proffessional help to put all your energy into you & your future instead of looking back.
As I write this text my anxiety thru roof. Ryan I reread your texts. Trying to forgive/forget very hard....My present circumstances dont help. Im in some physical pain due to accident.
This month is my birthday and Im not looking forward to it. The pressure is crushing......
What 12-step program helps you get free of yesterday's crap and live in today?
Hi, i attend Al-Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics because my father was a violen t Alcoholic when i was a child. Lots of crap to get rid of there. There is also CODA. Codependent no more. There is of course AA for Alcoholics, gamblers anonymous, over eaters anonymous. They all basically work on the same principals. I suggest you get on internet anf see what 12 step programs you feel you would fit into. Have courage and try a meeting. Good luck.
Wow I feel the same way. This is a daily struggle for me. Constantly reliving the past, dreading the future, and feeling trapped in the present. I hate to talk about it with ppl I know because I took feel like a broken record.
I've been to a lot of therapy, but this is what I learned: Forget the past, it can't be changed. Don't worry about the future, it's not here yet. Live in the moment, fully in the moment. And be PRESENT in each moment. This takes a lot of practice, trust me. You have to learn to UN multi task for starters, and learn to compartmentalize things until you can devote 100% of your time to them. For example, you are really worrying about something, but right now you have to work. Tell yourself to worry about it later, because you are fully, in the moment while at work. The beauty of this, is by the end of the day, I forgot why I was worrying so much. Once you can Master this SKILL, you will be less anxious.
I feel stuck in place. The only time I feel a little better is when Im in church singing hymns and being around people.
Can relate to All these posts. Thanks for all the suggestions!
"Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof". In other words, live for today. The past is gone and we don't know what the future may bring. Why dread it? Miracles happen when you aren't expecting them. Get some good sleep; that's what I'm advising everyone to do today. I need it myself and I won't feel better until I get it.😊
Im trying. Sleep these chaotic days isnt easy.
Broken
Fragile but not broken
Shattered and Broken. 
Broken heart, irreparable 
Feeling broken hearted
