Disclosing my condition to someone I like

[LynnSalv]

Context: All my life I felt unworthy of love, unlovable and even if someone loved me, they are better off without me. I always had the mindset of "if not even your father could love you, how could other people love you?". This past year, the antidepressant has really helped me not 100% as medicine is not magical but it has drastically improved my quality of life. During April. I have been hanging out with a girl that I started to like a few weeks ago. We have talked a lot and I confessed to her yesterday afternoon (my first confession, 22 years old and this is the first, feels a little bit pathetic 😩but theres nothing that can be done about it I guess). I am new to this, and it seems she likes me, but she really puts emphasis on the importance of self confidence and self esteem. The thing is, I am very self conscious and very insecure about myself, my abilities, my worth and my looks (she said I am pretty at least lol).

To make a long story short, we are going to gather somewhere next week to know more about each other and to make things clear. And although I am a very reserved person about my condition (only like 4 people know, including my mom and brother lol) and I would rather not talk about it, I do not like this thing defining me. But at the same time, I feel that disclosing something that important to the person I want to date for the first time in my life is very important, not only because of honesty about myself to her and her knowing what she is getting into but also to kinda explain some self esteem, self consciusness and self confidence issues I have that of course I am working on, but it is a work in progress so they slip every now and then (plus other stuff that some of you guys who have some kind of depressive disorder might know).

How do you think I should tackle this topic with her? What aspects are the most important to disclose with her? Do you guys think I am suitable enough to enter into a relationship? Has something similar happened to some of you? I would love any kind of advice, small or big. I am open to criticism and tips of any kind. Thanks in advance 🥰

[worthytobeloved]

Wow - you could be talking about me! Like you, I've always felt 'not good enough'. You mentioned your father - he must have made you feel unloved. I, too, had that experience when I was seven years old after first of all being bullied at school, and then one of my parents calling me 'dirty', 'evil' and 'deformed'. Since then I've experienced (or imagined) negativity from people.

It's truly wonderful that you've met this nice girl who likes you enough to want to meet again!!! Just take it as it comes, and if you need to talk about these issues, just be honest. I've found that when I've told people about my difficulties and insecurities, instead of being judgmental they actually seem to like and accept me more than if I tried to be something I'm not.

Just take it slow - and be aware of her and how she feels. You never know, your honesty may help her talk about her insecurities too. Best of luck!

By the way, look at my name 'worthytobeloved'. We all are, especially you.

[LynnSalv in reply to worthytobeloved]

The first thing I noticed was you username haha it felt very appropriate for this post. And so sorry to hear about the struggles you faced during your childhood, I can deeply relate to that.

And what you said did happen, she said she likes me too (it feels kinda weird having someone like you haha I do not know if feeling that is normal or just me being weird) and I was open about the condition and she opened up too. She was very very nice and supportive, it felt refreshing for a change since I have always hid this because of the backlash or lack of care of the people around me.

Thank you sooo soooo much for your words and advice, it truly worked wonders ✨

And what you said "We all are, especially you" hit me very hard, I havent heard that said to me. Thank you so much for that, it truly meant a lot to me ❤️

Wish you the best of luck to you too 😊✨

[worthytobeloved in reply to LynnSalv]

OMG, I haven't stopped smiling since I got your reply! I am so thrilled that it worked so well, and that you have both been able to share feelings that you wouldn't normally be able to. When you find the right person, it really can be 'a trouble shared, a trouble halved'! And just think, you have found a girl you really like, who likes you and who you can talk freely to. Wonderful for you, but also you are helping her by the sound of it. Well done - it must have taken a lot of courage to be honest with her, and I'm so glad it worked so well. I wish you all the happiness in the world!!!

[LynnSalv in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you again for your response, it still seems like magic how well it went hahaha

I have to work still on my condition because I do not want it to be an obstacle on any relationship I have, but having her support feels so relieving. I still have a million and one insecurities and things that make me feel nervous or inferior to her, but I will try to be a good man and hopefully a good partner for her

I wish you too all the happiness in the world ✨

[worthytobeloved]

Hi, lovely young man! I know what you mean about having so many insecurities, and the feeling of being inferior, and I'm so glad you've been brave enough to overcome them, when it's so tempting to hide away and not risk getting hurt. Just be the best person you can be with everyone you meet, but also try to stay true to yourself and not let people take advantage of you. She sounds so nice - I bet she's thrilled to have met you too! xxx

[LynnSalv in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you so much! Things have been going great, she gives me so much confidence really. I want to stay true to myself but I feel like I have to change for the better. Ive heard of relationships that have been destroyed due to mental health issues on one person, I want to be different.

But I hope everything goes right. Thank you so so so so much for your comments, they help me so much you have no idea. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need anything or want to vent you can ask me ✨😊

[worthytobeloved]

Hello, my dear friend! I'm so glad that things are going well and she is helping you feel more confident and happy. I understand what you mean when you worry that having psychological problems can destroy relationships, but it is good that you can be honest about how you feel, and that she understands and is still there for you.

I looked up your bio, and was really struck by how much we have in common! (Clinical depression, fluoxetine, being made to feel like trash from childhood, etc). I think (certainly in my case) that once you are taught how unacceptable you are as a child, it can stay with you forever - even when life shows that you are accepted by everyone.

I hope you have found taking the fluoxetine helpful. I couldn't do without it (I've tried cutting down and started to go back to the hell on earth of depression).

I had to look up the words 'dysthymia' and 'anhedonia' as I'd never heard of them, but they certainly describe what it's like to have clinical depression.

Thank you so much for staying in touch - I love hearing from you, and feel you have become a dear friend (even though we haven't met)!

I hope life continues to be better for you, and I'm always here.if you want to 'talk'! Lots and lots of love and best wishes! xxx

[LynnSalv in reply to worthytobeloved]

Things with her have gone wonderfully! I made her a paper flower bouquet to ask her if she wanted to be my partner. I think I can show them to you, Ill put them down here. They took me like a whole night and I worked on them on the middle of the class but it was worth it because she liked them very much!

I just read your bio and yeah, it seems we had a lot in common although I think you have had it more rough over the years UnU I admite how much you have evolved and changed, you are so wise ✨ Truly it is so heavy having the burden of knowing I am not loved nor cared for in both school and in home, I can share your burden right there. Personally, I consider my life to have started at 17 years old when I entered college, and still then I would isolate and come home to cry in the shower or in bed and sleep for unhealthy amounts of hours due to hypersomnia.

You are right, fluoxetine has drastically improved my quality of life (although the side effects were nasty the first month hahaha), but I feel like I burden my mother too much economically due to her having to buy them all the time I sometimes do not buy lunch or use any food to reduce expenses for her (although she gets mad haha).

I too feel very at ease talking to you I try to not comment so frecuently to you because I do not want to bother you, but it is so nice to talk out stuff to you really ✨ you can talk to me about anything you want 🥰 thank you so so much for your kind words and your updates, I truly truly appreciate them ✨

The paper flower bouquet. She posted it and put sparkles and hearts around it!

[worthytobeloved]

Hello - how lovely to hear from you, and to know that things are still going so well. What a beautiful bouquet you made - you're so talented! I'm sure she appreciated the fact that you had spent all that time making it, rather than just buying her some flowers. I'm not very good on the smartphone, but I'm going to see if I can download it to where I keep my photos and things. That way I will always think of you!

I'm glad fluoxetine helps you, and I agree that it's awful we have to pay for something that virtually saves our lives.

Your post really made my day, especially as I've been quite upset by things happening with my new upstairs neighbour. Every time she has a bath, I have water coming through my bathroom ceiling, and she keeps on saying she can't sleep at night because of loud music coming from my flat (when there isn't)! Luckily, she's been upsetting a lot of other neighbours too, so I'm not alone in that. Thank goodness there are some nice people like you in the world!