Last week was very overwhelming and I still haven't processed everything that I experienced. Some good came out of it and even that's upsetting. Suddenly people in my close family have changed for the better and are trying to get to a point where they can support me. But it feels like it's way too late. I don't even want it after they let me suffer from depression my entire childhood. Not only did they neglect my need for medical attention. Their harmful actions contributed to my poor mental state.
I don't have the patience or emotional balance to self-regulate. Knowing that I'm trying to calm myself down when my body is rightfully upset makes me feel frustrated. I know I need help and support but for whatever reason I don't want it. I just don't have any hope anymore.
I've tried using 988 and a few other hotlines but they just make me feel more alone. I've even resorted to AI helpbots that end up frustrating me too. People online frustrate me and I don't have anyone that I could see in person.
No one knows my options better than me and I know that I'm not capable of making myself do anything. Depression just freezes me sometimes. I don't want good things to happen. I just want everything to stop.
Feeling anxiety once again
Feeling bizzare again 
Trapped
Trapped 
I Shouldn't Be Feeling Depressed Again
