I feel broken, hurt and hopeless. I'm sorry. I don't want to get anyone down

[Brokenbeardedbear]

I feel so alone and hurt and worthless. I feeling I have nowhere to show love or be loved and there are happy people out there who are used to being happy and I don't know what that feels like. I don't feel I have anyone to share happiness with being an only child and never belonging anywhere. And feeling overwhelmed with worthlessness due to feeling I'm a bad person and can't move on from sexual abuse and other bad experiences. My mum left and my dad raised me while being an abusive neglectful alcoholic. I dont have any other family. I don't feel safe around him or anyone. I don't know where to turn to belong. I don't want to exist any more. I hate being conscious and feeling all the worthlessness I feel every day. I'm just surviving and I feel I have nowhere to tell anyone how I feel because I'm left feeling deeply ashamed of myself because I don't feel people understand. I've been this way for years. I feel broken and hurt. I daydream about killing myself.

[Agora1]

Brokenbeardedbear, know that you are cared about and are not alone with your

suffering on this supportive site. I'm glad you came to a safe understanding place.

We Welcome you here xx

[Brokenbeardedbear in reply to Agora1]

I don't believe that is true as I don't feel accepted anywhere but thank you for being kind and trying to help.

[Agora1 in reply to Brokenbeardedbear]

I'm sorry you don't believe in my words. What happens after a while is that we

build this wall around us not allowing anyone in. With that the loneliness grows.

This is not your fault. Unfortunately, things happened to you when growing up that

left scars too deep to heal. But with the proper professional counseling and people

from this caring site to support you, maybe just maybe you will see that not everyone

is out to hurt you. I care xx

[Brokenbeardedbear in reply to Agora1]

Thankyou

[Brokenbeardedbear in reply to Agora1]

Yes, maybe things will change thank you

[Agora1 in reply to Brokenbeardedbear]

I believe in you xx

[catsrock]

I'm so sorry. That sounds very hard.

[Brokenbeardedbear in reply to catsrock]

Thank you for your kindness

[RMHiker]

I'm an only child too. I often wish I had a brother or sister to talk to. I have lots of cousins but only one that I feel like I can really talk to. Unfortunately, she's in another state. Talking with my therapist has helped a lot and after a lot of trial and error, I've finally found a medication that's starting to work. The thoughts of wanting to die have gone away. Please reach out to a therapist and don't isolate yourself. Try listening to Douglas Bloch on YouTube. He's been through depression several times so it's like listening to a friend. I pray you feel better soon 🙏

[Brokenbeardedbear in reply to RMHiker]

Thank you, I appreciate your kind suggestions

[Brokenbeardedbear in reply to RMHiker]

Im glad you don't want to die any more

[RMHiker]

You're welcome and thank you!

[Hidden]

I also more broken than most users. for being the middle child . always get ignore by one parents. other times when I try to In gore one parents . always find way to talk .

[Gillyflower18]

I too grew up in a very dysfunctional family. I understand your feelings of not fitting in anywhere. It’s not an easy feeling to describe. Agora is right when she says this is a very supportive site and you will find people really do care. I agree that a good therapist can help you find yourself and begin to tear down the walls you have built to protect yourself. It’s not an easy journey but is certainly a worthwhile one to take. You will learn to be more open with people and realize most people are not out to hurt you. Hang in there!