Husband has passed: Well, group, sad... - Advanced Prostate...

Advanced Prostate Cancer

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Husband has passed

140 Replies

Well, group, sad news from our house. Pete has passed on. He seemed to be doing quite well with ADT treatment Lupron/ea 3 months, plus bone shot, and Abiraderone 250 mg daily for 2 1/2 yrs. Had all the terrible side effects you all experience. On no medication other than that. No other illnesses. We ate very healthy and he had such a great attitude and did not complain, ever.

Then left us.

He was never in pain since he started ADT. He became extremely weak, fatigued and only wanted to sleep…23 out of 24 hrs. When he was awake, tho, he had such beautiful humor. While all our hearts were breaking, he made sure he said something so hilarious, and we found ourselves laughing more than crying. He did not want gloom and doom as he was getting weaker and knowing he was crossing to the other side. He was that way right to the end…such a gift. He was not afraid.

After 13 days of no desire for food or water, he gently passed.

I was not prepared for such a sudden departure…even his MO was surprised.

One thing of the many, I wanted to share. After 53 years of marriage, I knew Pete well. He was a man of few words…I noticed he was in deep thought with a furrow in his forehead. I asked what he was thinking…he said…”I thought it was going to be different” I asked in what way. He said “I thought dying was going to hurt and it doesn’t….. I just want to sleep”

This site helped me…wife, researcher, caregiver…I became so much stronger and able to stay focused because of all your stories, humor, fears, advice, scientific info. I was a better supportive wife/friend/ caregiver. I need to thank all of you for posting.

I want you all to not leave anything unsaid..Pete and I knew each more deeply through this cancer journey and THAT brings me comfort during this sad, broken hearted time.

Soapchick (Karen)

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140 Replies
9020B profile image
9020B

Thank you for sharing your sad news. There is no doubt that you were a great comfort to Pete in his difficult journey. You are in our thoughts.

Darryl profile image
DarrylPartner

condolences

Tall_Allen profile image
Tall_Allen

It is sad to see him go, but glad that he wasn't in pain and had you there.

GFFF profile image
GFFF

so sorry for your loss xx

Amadeus71 profile image
Amadeus71

🙏❤💪

Mike1971 profile image
Mike1971

I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️

wolverine11 profile image
wolverine11

I'm so sorry for your loss

PSAed profile image
PSAed

May He Rest In Peace

Maxone73 profile image
Maxone73

So sorry for your loss.

Boywonder56 profile image
Boywonder56

So sory to hear.....nice you let him go his way .....hard to do...in time smiles at his humour and your years of happines....bw

Kaliber profile image
Kaliber

I’m so sorry to hear of Pete passing. The passing of another group brother and valiant fighter is so sad. From your description , I can see that Pete was a caring and loving type of guy , clearly he cared for you very much.

Also, I want to thank “ you “ , Karen, for taking time , in your period of heavy grief , to describe the details of his passing , ….it’s very kind and caring of you as well … helping the rest of the community. Especially those of us that are pretty much paddling in the same canoe behind him, ….describing him as passing quietly with no pain …. him loving enough to try to be cheerful when he was able. It speaks a lot to his high character and love for you, plus it sets an example that we all can hope to emulate as we follow behind.

Thank you Karen, I hope your grief ebbs quickly.

❤️❤️❤️

Yokohama2023 profile image
Yokohama2023 in reply toKaliber

Well said as often many people here do .. here I am crying at 3 am and you summed up a lot of what I’d want to say . This disease just sucks.. I guess we eventually all leave ..in the big picture what’s a 5 - 20 year difference .. it is the people you leave behind and love now .. seeing some fall leaves and deer in Japan soon so do people post pics here ? Take care all especially you Karen .

Kaliber profile image
Kaliber in reply toYokohama2023

Yes, please post your fall pictures add “ QOL “ to the header and let us know all about it, so we can live vicariously through your fun QOL experiences yayay yayayayay Many guys here would love that, .

I agree , strongly, with you …this disease really does suck.Yayahahahaya yayay.

❤️❤️❤️

Proflac profile image
Proflac

Sad news, but thank you so much for taking the time to post this. It really helps us all - patients and caregivers to hear of such a calm ending to what sounds like a great life together.

Yokohama2023 profile image
Yokohama2023

I’m so sorry for your loss and crying as I type .. ..on ADT in a different country and feel the same will eventually happen to me ..I wish you the best you seem strong !

KocoPr profile image
KocoPr

Thank you for sharing his passing with us. I worry about dying in pain but now I know there is another way out.

Kaliber profile image
Kaliber in reply toKocoPr

You probably won’t have to go out in pain …. You should be able to enter a hospice that will keep you comfortable ( if not stoned ) …but Pete’s experience is what I think any of us would want, if push comes to shove. Her post shows it’s possible .

❤️❤️❤️

Mtnhigh profile image
Mtnhigh

Thank you for sharing. As a caregiver/spouse I'm grateful to know a passing can be gentle. I worry a lot about my loved one being in pain. Hope your pain eases into wonderful memories soon. What a grand, long marriage.

Lyubov profile image
Lyubov

My sincere condolences to you. What a terrific husband he was. What a blessed marriage you shared. He gave you a most generous & loving gift at the very end, telling you he did not have pain but just wanted to sleep. Bless you.

zeitgeistxx profile image
zeitgeistxx

Peace and love to you.

Cancer2x profile image
Cancer2x

Condolences to all affected by his passing. I can only wish you all to be thankful for his being, and gentle care as you continue your lives with his memories as a light, rather than any darkness.

Pax

Priyamvada91 profile image
Priyamvada91

Lots of love and power to you and your family ❤️

Gearhead profile image
Gearhead

Karen, thank you for posting such a well written message to us. I appreciate that you included your thoughts as well as the specifics. Pete's passing is sad, but it's fortunate that it was without great pain and distress.

Nusch profile image
Nusch

My sincerest condolences! Don’t know if I’ll find the right words to thank you for your „letter“ to us. Your experiences and your emotions during this journey let you walk this way together, as far as possible, and getting even closer as a couple. Now, for another moment, you are apart, but anytime in future you will be re-united, as all of us will be.

Blueribbon63 profile image
Blueribbon63

Sending my most felt sympathy on your loss.

Kshiprakapoor profile image
Kshiprakapoor

Take care

Flash64 profile image
Flash64

Such sad news. I am sorry for your loss.

Warriorthree profile image
Warriorthree

That’s nice to hear even though it’s sad glad he went peacefully ❤️Xxx

Fight11 profile image
Fight11

I’m so sorry for your loss!!!

caretkr profile image
caretkr

Condolences. May his soul rest in peace and good to know he wasn’t in pain that’s all can wish for dear ones we are caring for.

TMcgee profile image
TMcgee

thank you for sharing. As hard as we all fight, I suspect that in the end, we want to be like Pete. Having someone knowing us well is a life well lived. Take care.

OFPF16 profile image
OFPF16

So sorry! Condolences!

Lettuce231 profile image
Lettuce231

Karen, I'm so very sorry. I can't say anything to heal your pain, Pete sounds like a lovely guy.

Now you have your memories, they are yours, no body can take them away, they're not ring fenced, no password is needed to access them, enjoy the good ones as much as you can.

Our love to you and your family.

rosenjpj profile image
rosenjpj

I am so sorry for your loss. Pete sounds like a wonderful fellow. He was lucky to have you by his side.

Radars profile image
Radars in reply torosenjpj

sorry, I hope I am as brave when my end comes.

Dancemomee profile image
Dancemomee

Where there is love, there is no death.

Realistic profile image
Realistic

Dear Karen, my hearts truly breaks for you , you are an amazing supportive wife and going through our cancer journey we couldnt ask for more. I supported my darling husband through pancreatic cancer and luckily he's still with me. We've been married 54 years so l know the bound you both had. My darling boy supports me through my ovarion cancer lm 6 years into the battle. God bless you lm sending love & hugs SheilaFxxx

spw1 profile image
spw1

Hi Karen, I am so sorry to hear this and send you heartfelt condolences. Take a lot of comfort in the fact that he was at peace.

curious-mind1 profile image
curious-mind1

My deepest condolences, it is so inspiring to read about people like you and Pete, caring for and loving each other so deeply!

larry_dammit profile image
larry_dammit

At a time like this there are no words that can express the sorrow or console the grief. If only I can be that strong when my time comes 😢😢

skiingfiend profile image
skiingfiend

As a newer member, I'm sorry I never had a chance to talk to you sooner. One solace in this sad time must be the 53 wonderful years you have had together.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

Tennyson

Istomin profile image
Istomin

My deepest condolences.

fmh1 profile image
fmh1

Condolences and prayers for you and Pete.

Sisira profile image
Sisira

So sorry about your loss.May he Rest In Peace 🙏.

Mal-W profile image
Mal-W

sorry for your loss thankfully he slipped away peacefully .

bluephi profile image
bluephi

Sorry for You loss.

Bigblock profile image
Bigblock

Blessings to you and yours in these hard parts of life, but the way you speak of your husband is so beautiful, what husband could ask for more.

rfgh20 profile image
rfgh20

What a blessing that he had you.

HikerWife profile image
HikerWife

I'm so sorry, Karen. I'm glad his journey was pain free and peaceful. Thank you for sharing that...it gives all of us comfort. Wishing you strength and peace.

RJAMSG profile image
RJAMSG

I’m sorry for your loss, my sincere condolences and prayers for you and your family.

binati profile image
binati

Glad to see a fellow traveller complete his journey in relative peace and with less suffering. My condolences to the family.

Ian99 profile image
Ian99

Hi Karen. Thank you for such a thoughtful post at this difficult time. Sincere condolences.

Spyder54 profile image
Spyder54

Thank you Karen for sharing with us. Your story speaks of Love and a gentle passing of Pete. 53 years of a relationship well lived.

Remain strong. You are the companion we all hope for. Mike

Golfnow profile image
Golfnow

So very sorry for your loss. 🥰❤️

LupronMan profile image
LupronMan

My sincere condolences to you!

❤️💪🙏

dockam profile image
dockam

Oh d*mn, another Brother taken especially at this time of year 😭

Karen, my Heartfelt Condolences to you and your Family😪

What a Beautiful couple you were💙

Elated that He passed peacefully, the Way I wanna go.

Rest in Peace Pete, and I'll see you on the Other Side

Much Love to you and the Family

Big Hug from CA

Randy

Lavender22 profile image
Lavender22

Send you a big hug.

Wife32 profile image
Wife32

I am deeply sorry for your loss. Clearly he was a wonderful man, and his physical presence will be greatly missed. I pray that the beautiful memories and love you shared will help you during this time.

Thank you for sharing with us. Please take care.

hopeful1956 profile image
hopeful1956

Karen, I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. Sending you love and light.

Cub49614 profile image
Cub49614

Prayers for you and your family.🙏

Nittany profile image
Nittany

Beautifully written, Karen. My condolences to you and your family. Sounds like you had a long and good marriage. That's a precious gift that cancer has no power over. My prayers for you...and Pete.

Manilo profile image
Manilo

My condolences. I will take these words and try to follow that advise."I want you all to not leave anything unsaid"

vintage42 profile image
vintage42

Thanks so much for sharing a story that must give hope to many people. I have saved it because I had not realized it was possible to avoid pain, or the role that ADT could play in that.

turkeyjoe1 profile image
turkeyjoe1

My condolences to you and your family. What a great run you two had in the mean time. Thanks for sharing.

PeteLG profile image
PeteLG

My deepest condolences.Thank you for being there for your loved one.

Rest in peace, Pete

Lasered profile image
Lasered

My condolences for your loss. 🙏 for you and your family.

Har036 profile image
Har036

Karen, I’m so sorry to hear that the journey with your husband has ended. Thank you for sharing this beautiful ending with us. I pray for your strength and comfort in the days ahead.

BanjoPicker profile image
BanjoPicker

I can only offer my sincere condolences, and hope, that you and your family will be blessed and comforted.

Cateydid profile image
Cateydid

dearest Karen-

I am so, so sorry to read this. My heart breaks for you.

As a wife/caregiver I can’t thank you enough for your post. Sharing our experiences is the only way I’ve been able to stay strong for my Joe.

I pray for your peace as I share in your sorrow.

Bethpage profile image
Bethpage

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for somehow managing to pass along to those of us still struggling that the approach and the end are not always excruciatingly painful. It's the pain that most really dread. May angels watch over and protect you and yours.

Kaliber profile image
Kaliber in reply toBethpage

🌺🌻🌼🪷🌹

Pmann profile image
Pmann

May he rest in Peace

Prayers up for you

dhccpa profile image
dhccpa

Perfectly put!

DesertDaisy profile image
DesertDaisy

So sorry for the loss of your Pete, but so happy to hear that he was able to pass gently and without pain. Such a blessing. It sounds like he was a wonderful man and you were so fortunate to have 50 years together.

Kay

Pianodude profile image
Pianodude

Peace to you and your family.

Sunlight12 profile image
Sunlight12

My deepest condolences, Soapchick. It can be so hard to process changes when they happen suddenly for the worse; the abruptness makes it hard to adjust. Please know that by being there for Pete all the way, you gave him the greatest possible gift. Thank you for sharing his beautiful words about the lack of pain - there is such comfort in them. Sending you love and HUGS s you navigate your new world 💗💗💗

-Sunlight

Cooolone profile image
Cooolone

Karen, thank you so much for taking the time during what most assuredly is a difficult moment to share with us your loss.

Condolences and heart felt sympathy to you and the loved ones who are here celebrating his life and time you all had together!

God Bless

dadsdrdawn profile image
dadsdrdawn

I am so sorry to hear of your husband Pete passing. You sound like you really took on so much, and I know that it helped. My husband and mom tell me all of the time how much I gave to my dad...

Pete's passing is exactly like my father's was on August 17th of this year.

Was great and talking about traveling to Africa and other places next year. Then took a turn for the worse, was "ready to go" and got weaker and slept a lot - telling us to not stand over his bed, and to live our lives with adventure.

He lived a full life for sure.

He passed after not eating ( and not in pain) for 6 days, peacefully in his sleep with my mom, me and my brother there.

I pray your memories are sweet, and I think your husband gave you a "gift" as my dad gave us.

Sent with love,

Dawn

Runner4000 profile image
Runner4000

Thank you for sharing the positive aspects that lay deep within your very sad experience. That helps all of us. A hug and best wishes to you.

carbide profile image
carbide

My deepest condolences. 😔

treedown profile image
treedown

Very sorry for your loss. Glad to hear be was not in pain.

FigureGround profile image
FigureGround

What a beautiful sendoff. Thank you for sharing the bittersweet. You are a very strong and caring person. All the best to you.

Hailwood profile image
Hailwood

Thank you for taking the time to write. My deepest condolences and I’m glad that pain played such a small role in his passing

Quarky profile image
Quarky

Thank you for sharing such a wonderful description of Pete and the joy and happiness your relationship provided you. Condolences to you and your family.

spencoid2 profile image
spencoid2

Thank you so much for taking time at such a difficult time to help others. You are a remarkable woman, no wonder you had such a great relationship. I like many in this group are rather freaked out about what our death will be like. Will it be painful, physically or emotionally? Everyone thinks these thoughts now and then but most in this group probably do so more because of the cancer. You have helped me and many others relax a bit. Thank you again.

BadNews4me profile image
BadNews4me

Condolences Karen. We prepare but are never ready. Stay strong - you are not alone.

swwags profile image
swwags

I'm so very sorry for you. Talk to him often, even though he's not with you. You'll feel him anyway after 53 years of marriage.

Tinuriel profile image
Tinuriel

What's a comfort that great suffering was not a part of his passing. But your loss is great, and I share your sadness. Praying for you today.

Biobro profile image
Biobro

My condolences.

Tjc1 profile image
Tjc1

So sorry to hear of your loss. I wish everyone with any disease can go like him.

Currumpaw profile image
Currumpaw

Soapchick (Karen),

Usually I write a few paragraphs when someone "leaves" us. Today won't be different except you post made me think down a different avenue. Your post --all I can do is express my deepest sympathy to you, your family and those close to you and your husband. I think everyone on the site learned something from you. I did. The fast and unexpected death without pain? A blessing I suppose but certainly one of life's greatest blessings is having shared our lives with those we love. The pain of separation that death brings--that can be palpable. One never gets over the loss of a loved one. We learn to live with the loss. Time--takes the edge off--most of the time.

Be strong when you need to be and grieve when you have to. Family friends and clergy can be helpful. At times being alone to reflect is needed.

You what you wrote will remain in my thoughts.

Currumpaw

Helpmate77 profile image
Helpmate77

So sorry. My hubby has had this cancer for 23 years. Most recently, he is Stage 4. But on Lupron almost two years. They cannot find where it has spread - cells are too small to detect. The Lupron did reduce his PSA score to under 1.0. It had really jumped about 2 years ago.

He will be on Lupron for at least a few more months.

How could it jump to around 35 but the cancer not be detectable?

His prostate was removed right away - about 22 years ago.

Well, I am rambling.

Peace be with you!

cancervictim profile image
cancervictim

so very sorry for your loss. Thanks you for sharing his peaceful passing.

ocman profile image
ocman

So sorry for your loss...

Don_1213 profile image
Don_1213

Karen - your eulogy for Pete is simply heartwarming and wonderful. He was a special person who had a special person in his life. Thank you for sharing Pete with us.

Rocketman1960 profile image
Rocketman1960

My condolences on the lose of Pete. May your heart be filled with the many memories of him.

etenntider profile image
etenntider

RIP, Pete. Peace to you, Karen.

pete0550 profile image
pete0550

Thanks for sharing Karen. My condolences to you. Mine has recently reached my bones so I'm hoping I can drift away peacefully like my namesake when the time comes. Take care, Pete.

chickgreen profile image
chickgreen

I'm very sorry for your loss, and read through this twice because it touches me so, that you and he were able to find laughter together to the end

Tvssog902 profile image
Tvssog902

Sorry for your loss. You were his strength. Stay strong and thank you for sharing. ❤️❤️

What a sad yet lovely post. Thank you for sharing about your wonderful husband’s passing. I understand completely what you said about becoming even closer while fighting cancer together; who would’ve thought it was possible to become even closer after so many years. I feel the same way and have told my husband that it’s my honor and privilege to take care of him and will be with him to the very end.

Now it’s your turn, please allow your loved ones to care for you while you’re fresh in your grief. Keep your memories close to help you heal. Sending a virtual hug 💞

StillDancing profile image
StillDancing

How very lucky he was to have you, and you to have him,

He will be with you always and forever.

Sincere sympathy and much strength to you going forward from this day.

Our hearts are with you.

j-o-h-n profile image
j-o-h-n

Dear Karen,

I wonder if Peter is singing this song along with angels, and I bet he's surprised if they know the lyrics....My sincere condolences to you, the family and friends..... Peter does not need them he's having a great time singing and trying out his wings....... I always say that after death, that's when the real fun begins.....

youtube.com/watch?v=9t6GoCk...

j-o-h-n Sunday 11/26/2023 1:22 PM EST

Scout4answers profile image
Scout4answers

Beautifully expressed Karen…

Peace and Love

Sam2346 profile image
Sam2346

RIP

Azores1 profile image
Azores1

So very sorry.

Billy_Boe profile image
Billy_Boe

Karen, I am so sorry fdr your loss. Your husband sounded like a wonderful man and your relationship is an inspiration. We all fight the battle together, and I am so sad for your loss. May your heart and soul be filled with beautiful memories, and I pray for your comfort in your time of loss.

🥲

MouseAddams profile image
MouseAddams

Dear heart I feel your loss.. Here at this community we all know the joy and pain that comes with this journey. I’m glad you had such a wonderful and long loving life together. Just remember he’s now waiting on you… but take your time.

youtu.be/M-C-IbkuNWs?featur...

ron_bucher profile image
ron_bucher

Very sorry to hear, but thank you for the lovely description.

LakeT profile image
LakeT

Thank you for sharing. May Peter rest in peace.

Bronzee profile image
Bronzee

I am so sorry for your loss… i am sure he was very assured that you were with him to comfort and take care of his needs. He was with his loved ones . May Pete rest in peace in the arms of our LORD..

Mworhach profile image
Mworhach

Beautiful note, sorry for your loss, your tribute touched me very much!

Okay4now profile image
Okay4now

Karen, thank you so much for taking the time, at this difficult time, to write such a positive message. My condolences.

Wdoug profile image
Wdoug

So sorry!

ragnar2020 profile image
ragnar2020

Dear Soapchick,

So sorry to hear this news. Pete was a lucky man to have such a caring and supportive partner. Take care of yourself. My best to you and your family.

JPD

garyjp9 profile image
garyjp9

My deepest sympathies to you and your family. I am glad his last days were peaceful and with loved ones. May God rest his soul.

Flydoggy profile image
Flydoggy

So very sorry for your loss...53 years together, what a beautiful blessing that makes the loss all the more difficult. May your memories sustain you, it sounds like you had a beautiful partnership.

RindaMan profile image
RindaMan

Pete must have given peace and happiness to you and people around him. May he rest in peace. May you find solace and happiness!

Bspouse profile image
Bspouse

Thank you for sharing this. So glad that he was not in pain. God bless

Velohomme profile image
Velohomme

I’m so sorry. Pete was a lucky guy to have you Karen. I’m sure your love made his passing much easier.

cancerfox profile image
cancerfox

You and Pete were extremely lucky to have each other, Karen. I hope that the love and support of those around you will fill you with comfort during this sad time.

strummer profile image
strummer

So sorry for your loss. Humor is a gift especially at end of life.

TONNEY profile image
TONNEY

HE WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU AND WATCHING OVER YOU.

GOD BLESS,

Jp2sea profile image
Jp2sea

Very sorry. He will always be a part of you.

Farlo profile image
Farlo

Hello Soapchick, although you are grieving, please know your eloquent words relayed a meaningful tale. May you find comfort in your loving memories. ❤️

Tonwantonga profile image
Tonwantonga

condolences.

dmt1121 profile image
dmt1121

Your story is one of love and laughter. He passed with little pain but with much love. It sounds lik eyou have been good companions for each other.

I wish you happiness on th eother side of your grief.

Survivor1965 profile image
Survivor1965

We read these notices all too often but this one seems to bite more than usual. Maybe its that we can feel your love for him shining thru in your message. And the part about leaving nothing unsaid... such great wisdom there.

So sorry for your loss of Pete. May his memory burn bright and sustain you and your family now and in the days ahead.

Peace and Love, Johnny

JazzMan42 profile image
JazzMan42

RIP, Pete. Strength to Karen.

Scoofer33 profile image
Scoofer33

Figuratively, I am standing in silence beside you honoring Pete's life and your role in it. Thank you for your bravery in handling this most difficult of life's challenges. You seem to be well composed in this post, however, I know that the emotions of grief will overwhelm you from time to time. That is just another way you will honor his memory. My heart goes out to you.

Champ3421 profile image
Champ3421

Thank you for sharing and helping me as many helped you. Prayers to you and your family.

Bodysculpture profile image
Bodysculpture

First let me express my sorrow Thank you for this post

Hoping I am that brave when the bell tolls

You are an amazing woman soapchick

I am sure you were the joy of his life

God be with you

Tied2work profile image
Tied2work

very sorry for your loss.

FaithOverFear104 profile image
FaithOverFear104

So very sorry for your great loss. Thank you for taking time to share. Prayers for you and your family.

Tyson53 profile image
Tyson53

thanks for sharing.

Ij2023 profile image
Ij2023

my sincere condolences, he was a strong person and you were so deeply connected to him, at a very higher level..

TommyCarz2 profile image
TommyCarz2

Sorry for your loss but thankful that you shared your story

Break60 profile image
Break60

May he Rest In Peace! I hope to pass as easily as he did.

Ij2023 profile image
Ij2023

my sincere condolences; he was a very good human being and a great husband; he didnt bother anyone while he bid adieu.

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