Hello, I have two children. My son is 8 he was diagnosed a little over a year ago with ADHD. We have tried several medications and they seem to work for a short period and then he needs dosage increase which seems almost too often. And I don't want him to be a zombie or anything like that. He has been off of the for several months. We are starting behavior therapy with him and trying some other techniques to see if we can get him some skills to help manage his ADHD without medication. But it is proving to be very challenging. There are days that I feel like all I do is get onto him and both of us are constantly losing our patience until one or both of us are crying in frustration. I should add that I recently found out that I too have ADHD and my daughter (13). I was raised in the area where discipline (spanking) was the answer to fixing the problem. And I know that is not going to help any of us when is comes to the ADHD side of things. My daughter does better but she suffers from the anxiety, self - esteem, and trouble focusing side of ADHD. Its just been a very over-whelming year. And I am constantly having to defend my children I feel like. But I also struggle with knowing whether or not some of their behavior issues- is it them just being a child? - or is this part of the ADHD? It is very difficult to go to events or family gatherings or even friend gatherings. I feel like I am drowning and not doing the right steps when it comes to assisting my children. But I am trying... I try to download and read as much information as I can. But I also lack a support system. So any and all information is welcome. ............. long rant over!
Struggling Parent New to ADHD Diagnosis - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
Struggling Parent New to ADHD Diagnosis
Well done for diagnosing you and your children. ADHD and anxiety disorder often goes pair in pair. Depending which type of ADHD your daughter has- she could be let’s say just inattentive and then she would present differently to a person with let’s say combined with hyperactive - impulsive.
What medications have you tried for your son? Let’s say there are many medications in stimulant group so if you were trying these you any feel like your son was trying ‘many’ medications when in fact they all kind of work the same and have to be excreted from the system daily (it’s just the question of slow, medium, immediate action)- amphetamins or Methylpenidate under various branded names.
I’d say fro. My experience with my son and chatting to other mum from my son’s class- stimulants don’t work well for young children, because they cause appetite suppression and problems sleeping and exacerbate anxiety, also range of other side effects like rebound, being even worse behaved in the morning and so on. Young kinds can’t deal with this, maybe adults can… That’s my opinion but you will read here many parents who because of the side effects of stimulants had to start adding other meds on top to counteract and they end up having young children on multiple meds daily and this is not ideal and very difficult then to track side effects.
From my experience with my son - moving him away from stimulants and starting non stimulant Atomoxetine was a life changer. It’s basically 3 in 1 medication. It deals with ADHD symptoms, it tackles anxiety and it also is antidepressant. It does cause side effects as well but it is all much easier to manage- let’s say may cause constipation so all I do it make sure he has a lot of fruit and vegetables and whole grain cereal daily. It does cause slight appetite suppression but nothing serious. To compare- on Methyloenidate (stimulant) my son was completely unable to eat lunch. On Atomoxetine (non stimulant) he happily eats every meal n the day and goes to bed between 7-8pm and falls asleep without any problems. He does after school clubs daily- tennis, football, swimming, Karate and he copes and enjoys. This was just impossible on stimulants, he was a mess when the medication was coming out of the system, he really suffered come down, I don’t wish this happening to anyone, not even my enemy.
It’s great you try behavioural etc but all I can say- your son will be able to take it all in better if he is medicated. He will be able to focus and actually his executive function will be better so he will be then able to apply what he learnt.
It’s hard to have such experience with spanking. I was brought up in a quite traditional and backwards thinking culture (mind you I am now in my 40ies) and it was also happening. All I’d say kids are more resilient than you think. Don’t dwell on the past, just stop it now. I and many people of my generation in my country were brought up this way and we are all fine, so I wouldn’t worry, but just don’t do it yourself. Let’s say my late grandad (died age 99 this year) and to be honest all my grandparents were even beaten pretty much daily by his teachers at school- with a ruler on hand etc, it was normal back then and my grandparents never looked like they was scared by this.
In ADHD parts of Brian responsible for impulse control etc are not connected. Also oppositional behaviour and saying ‘no’ is very much part of ADHD. Maybe it’s something to do with anxiety? You’d have to read about it. All I know is that since starting my son on Atomoxetine he is working hard at school, he has tuition weekly at home and he manages to work for 45 minutes and he also doesn’t have as many fits when asked to do homework and maths catch up at home. Of course he will still shout that he’d rather play but he does do it eventually, especially for his dad. With me he is more often disobedient and as you say- shouting etc doesn’t work with ADHD kids. They will be even more defiant then and just saying ‘no, I am not doing it’ or not saying it, but just not doing work anyway. It’s just Brian doesn’t t have the part of brain which is responsible for ‘reward system’ properly connected. Hence the rewards have to be immediate -the kid Willa truffle to work toward a reward let’s say at the end of the week. There has to be reward for good behaviour immediately, even it this is just good sincere word. Also rule is that the minor bad behaviour you have to ignore, don’t mention. And phrase things by stating what good behaviour in the situation should be rather than keep promoting your child ‘Don’t ….’
It’s easy said and not easy done and I struggle daily though. We are a Rema with my hubby though and he works from home and helps me and this helps to have that support. Before Covid he used to go to work daily and come back after 7pm and it was a struggle for me as my son wasn’t even diagnosed then and my husband didn’t know what I was dealing with daily.
I hope you have support - let’s say your parents, your partner etc. Try to educate people about ADHD, explain to them that it’s not a ‘naughty child’, it’s a child who’s brain is not wired properly so they need help.
As a parent with ADHD who has a child with it - it can be hard. I have questioned is it the ADHD or just being a kid as well. One thing not everyone knows is that ADHD affects the emotional side of things as well and kids with ADHD can be up to 30% behind their peers developmentally. I like Dr. Russell Barkley's book, "Taking Charge of ADHD". Other books I've tossed aside because they didn't really understand and with Dr. Barkley's I find myself agreeing a lot based on my own experiences. russellbarkley.org/books.html
There are times I've wondered about increasing my son's dosage, but things tend to even out and again and he hasn't needed to have an increase yet. Some kinds need a combination of medications, but we've just been on one at a time and this one works for us. Finding a therapist _who understands ADHD_ is helpful. I recently learned there is a "mental health loophole" where kids with ADHD can get their ADHD counseling covered (it pays the copays our insruance doesn't cover) which has helped us increase it from once a month to weekly and that has made a difference. The med my kid is on doesn't have a generic so that isn't covered, but I'm not sure that's Medicaid so much as the program for our area (You have medicaid then one of the medicaid programs for your area is your actual coverage). It also helps if you can get the school on board with things through a 504 or IEP so there is consistency. I haven't been able to do that because they think he doesn't need it because his grades are mostly good. BUT if I had those I could get them to do things like help him remember to bring his textbooks home, write down when the test is in his planner, get copies of notes when he can't keep up, etc. I wish our school still had an intervention specialist since he's legally entitled to a 504 or IEP based on his diagnosis alone.
My grandson is on both Atomoxetine and Guanfacine. One medication alone did not do it. Unmedicated he was constantly in trouble in school and at home and calling himself the bad kid. That was destroying his self-esteem. He goes to a counselor and was in a class in school that helped with behavioral situations.
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