From darkness to light. Just want to share my experience over the last 6+ months.

[Crunchby]

Hi everyone, I love this site and the raw support it offers, but have felt too hopeless to even post here over last 6+ months. I'm going to fade to black and get real for a moment, but I promise there's white light, unicorns and rainbows at the end.

My DD (darling daughter), 12, has ADHD and probably a myriad of other DSM worthy DXs. In last 6+ months, the fine local police force have visited us two times b/c DD would not stop screaming "please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me", when I/dad were in another room and never came close to laying a finger on here. Reality did not matter, facts didn't matter. My arms being bruised from wrists to my forearms from deflecting her hits, didn't matter. I refused to hit or hurt her. I've had black eyes, huge bite marks and other injuries that left me with watery eyes at my desk at work in silence, of course. I would think: "How do I tell anyone? This is so crazy, no one else would understand. Just login to your computer and get that spreadsheet done." and that is what I did.

My DD was convinced she was the victim. It got so bad, she threw paint on our cars. A few weeks ago we sat outside an ER, next to the trash bins, threatening to take her in, unless she comply with some demands.

She mostly hated me. Dad is her buddy, and although he tries to not 'get in the middle' he clearly enjoys his position of comrade to my DD. I have spent hours studying and ultimately initiated several popular parenting techniques: 'Kadzin: parenting the defiant child', and Total Transformation. While both have sound basis in logic and science neither worked for us/her. They are great programs and may be quite helpful to other parents, kids.

During this dark time, my daughter was diagnosed with Celiacs Disease, an absolutely miserable condition that requires she not eat gluten. My DD is so skinny, and gluten damages the mechanism that allows her to absorb calories/gain weight. Getting off gluten is helping, but the struggle to get a super inflexible kid to eat food that kind of tastes like cardboard, has added a whole new set of challenges to an already volatile mix.

So, for the light and unicorns, and my message to all. No matter how bad things get, please keep educating yourself on ways to handle your special child. If one way doesn't work, move on. You are their strongest and sometimes only advocate. Not your spouse or school or doctor.

Once I realized I needed to manage my child's triggers, everything changed.

Dah da da....I have found great success with Dr. Greene's CPS (collaborative problem solving) methods in the Explosive Child. It really has helped me get a handle on my emotions on the situation and understand that 'kids do well if they can'. The CPS method has proven to be extremely effective with our explosive daughter. There is a short, abridged version on Audible. If you have an explosive child and reward systems, consequences and duct tape (jk) haven't worked, listen and return if you don't like it.

Here's hugs to all on this site. Please know you are not alone and you got this!

[Pennywink]

Crunchby - I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles!! You’re such a valuable member of this community and I definitely missed hearing your wisdom.

Interestingly enough, I’ve also lately been reading Ross Greene’s Raising Human Beings. I look forward to implementing some of his ideas!

Glad you found the 🌈 and 🦄!

[Crunchby in reply to Pennywink]

Ah, I've heard good things about that book. I think it uses CPS as a foundation, not sure. I'm sure you've found the v website: lives in Balance. I also get a lot of tips trolling the Facebook page, plan B.

[Pennywink in reply to Crunchby]

It does use CPS. It is aimed more at parents of neurotypical children, but also says that it's for any child, and that the issues really aren't that different (compatibility), just their ways of handling the incompatibility. I haven't explored too much else yet, but it's definitely a good read.

[Want2BHappy3]

Maybe next time this Happens? Have someone Tape it. The camera doesn't lie

[Crunchby in reply to Want2BHappy3]

I have so many hours of video I could make a 20 hour documentary.

[GoDukes]

I'm glad things are looking up some! I completely agree that we have to be their primary advocates and that we as parents have to be continually be educating ourselves. No one is going to care for our kids as much as we will because no one will endure things to benefit them like we will. Good luck to you and keep following the love in your heart!

[midwestmom]

Thank you very much for sharing . Makes me feel a little less like I’m

out on my own island.

[Crunchby in reply to midwestmom]

You are not! There's so many great parents here with kiddos who act out in some really messed up ways. None of us signed up for this. I mean we knew parenting was going to be challenging, but never did I think I would be weighing the pros/cons of filing a police report.

[TallulahL]

Thank you for such an honest post. I’m going to check out Dr Greene!

[Crunchby in reply to TallulahL]

Check out his site, livesinthebalance.org

There's also a fb page, plan B. Cheers!

[anirush]

So sorry you are having to deal with this. I have pulled into the parking lot of the police station to calm things down in the car. Not a fun life but we do what we have to do.

[Crunchby in reply to anirush]

Thanks! I took her IN last year, the police played their part and showed her a jail cell complete with claw marks from someone who tried to get out. That helped for a bit, but the abuse continued, bc she doesn't know how to deal with the problems that cause her such anger. I don't think putting her through the criminal Justice system solves anything long term.

[anirush]

Hopefully you can avoid that. Getting in the criminal Justice system is awful. I know someone's kid that it happened to and they had a terrible time with the courts. Praying my grandson doesn't end up there.

[Onthemove1971]

Thank you for your post. I know there are so many parents that do not have support and struggle to get a handle of their lives.

Glad things are looking much better for you guys. In the end we must try to love them even knowing the history of what they have done.

Big hugs to you for pushing ahead.