My description of OCD and best wishes

[ballout2022]

Hello. For anyone suffering with OCD I wish and hope you a speedy recovery with all the resources available. It is truly painful to appear to be physically able to do things on the outside but in reality we are limited by the obsessions and compulsions with the anxiety it brings along. It truly makes us tired. It sometimes feels too much to handle because of these compulsions. I wish you all a speedy recovery on whatever the topic of your obsessions are because we are all different yet the same. I come to the forums because I'm extremely tired. OCD has blocked most areas of my life from functioning normally. I have many types of OCD in the form of cleaning obsessions, harm obsessions, and stealing obsessions and more but it's just to name a few. The one that has been recently bothering me like crazy is the stealing obsession. I always have to ask my family and parents if it's okay to use the money they gave me to buy certain things. I never consider it mine. The anxiety I get from the possibility of being a theif attacks me. I always give the change back as well. If I do something illegal (minor crimes such as loitering which possibly aren't actually illegal, rather a product of my scared mind) I begin to think that I'm stealing since I should pay a fine but I'm walking free without doing so. If I am unsure that I broke a law I spend a very large amount of time thinking which is equally annoying. Furthermore, any positive thoughts I had about bettering myself or seeking help get blocked and I am not allowed by my own mind to fix things because I "stole the thought" since I did something "illegal" while I thought the thought. In other words, it's insanity. My current obstacle is that I seek CBT therapy but upon doing research, I found out that CBT was influenced by REBT which was influenced by Dr. Albert Ellis which was influenced by the philosopher Epictetus. Epictetus' time was in the ancient time. Maybe around 100 AD. What scares me about this? Epictetus' discourses were recorded by his student Arrian. I'm not sure but I read that those words were taken from Arrian by some stranger I guess and it got into the hands of the public and it wasn't Arrian who did it. I don't think it was with his permission. There is a letter where he talks about this. My conclusion? If I use CBT to cure myself of this condition I'm stealing! It gives me anxiety. A healthy person would just consider it a historical document from ancient times, not something stolen, but my mind doesn't think like that. I have a compulsion that is stopping me from stopping my OCD. My OCD prevents me from getting help. There's more to my OCD but this is something that has been bothering me a lot. If anyone has any suggestions on what I should do, reply if you want. I appreciate it. I hope you all get better. Thank you.

[LuvSun]

Welcome to the forum ballout2022- I totally feel your pain. My OCD also interferes with my trying to help myself at times. The thought patterns get so “crazy” but feel so real at times. I’m sorry you are suffering. There are a lot of self help materials available to help you cope. I have been helped tremendously by several and this forum as well. All the best to you.

[MothFir]

You said, "In other words, it's insanity."

This is your rational self talking. All the other stuff (worrying that your partaking of modern CBT is unfair to someone who lived and died 1900 years ago, etc) is OCD. The emotions of guilt, fear, shame, and whatever else that OCD generates are always going to feel real. If you want to get your life back, you can't wait until they don't feel real. You have to recognize that your feelings on OCD-affected topics are not genuine; they are misleading you as a result of a mental disorder. You get to decide whether you want to continue kowtowing to the disorder's empty threats, or take the bold step of listening to your rational mind and doing what is logical and reasonable, even when your OCD protests.

I know how hard this is. I've had OCD for decades. We are wired to take feelings of fear, guilt, and shame seriously, and to give them priority over everything else. Normally, such a reaction keeps us alive and behaving morally. But people with OCD have faulty alarm systems, and our feelings are out of whack. We feel fear, guilt, and shame in situations that non-OCD people would put firmly in the category of "too far-fetched to worry about." To get the system working properly again, we have to take a leap of faith and do what our OCD tells us we shouldn't do.

Find a therapist who can help you work through this. If Arrian has a problem with that, let him take it up with the stranger who stole stuff to begin with. As you get into therapy and begin standing up to the OCD, your feelings of guilt will dissipate as they begin to align with what your rational mind has known is true all along. You will be able to interact with reality as a healthy, rational person -- which, I would argue, is a lot more moral to you and the people in your life than following OCD's dysfunctional path.

Here's an article that I always find inspiring:

cognitivebehavioralcenter.c...

This therapist really understands OCD, and several times in this article he acknowledges that ignoring OCD's demands is always going to "feel" wrong. In life we have to recognize what is most likely a real concern and what is most likely OCD trickery, and treat each accordingly. You already know which is which when you say "A healthy person would just consider it a historical document from ancient times, not something stolen...". Now you just have to act according to your true beliefs and not your false OCD feelings. You can do it!

[Sallyskins]

Interesting that CBT has such ancient origins! But somehow or other a second hand account of the work of one ancient Greek got into public hands, possibly by theft. This doesn't invalidate said work, in fact I'd have thought that Epictetus would be pleased to have his work so widely disseminated and acknowledged!

It's impossible to be completely original - each one of us is influenced by lots of other people! Picasso said 'mediocre artists borrow; great artists steal' and quite honestly, whether we're mediocre or great, we are all guilty of taking the thoughts, observations and findings of other people and working them into our own perceptions.

Of course plagiarism is wrong, and there are laws about it. All CBT practitioners owe a lot to the work of Aaron T Beck, but that doesn't make them plagiarists. I'm pretty sure that Professor Beck was pleased that his work was so influential and has helped so many people. And I'm sure Epictetus would feel the same.

[Joeyman]

Hello Friend, I truly feel your pain! When I read your post, I actually understand your suffering as my brain has similar thought patterns where the doubts and questions never end. Are you seeing a mental health expert and are you on any medication? For me, medication has helped a lot. Things will get better my friend. Please don't lose hope. You are not alone!