Incest OCD is bothering me.

[MissBowLady]

Hey so just want to put a trigger warning that this post will mention incest OCD, and contamination OCD. My therapist last week told me that OCD can affect physical sensation as well which explains a lot about how my OCD bothers me. So that is mentioned too.

Today at 5:19 PM

I’m back in the car with my mom after our long trail. Earlier my mom put my water bottle in her little side pack with our phones. But it swung near her hips and crotch area and I thought the bottle part of the water bottle touched her crotch possibly even if it was a little. I told my mom the frustration of this. Then later on our walk I was deciding whether to drink the water bottle or not to combat OCD. I asked my mom what would she do (but I remember it as me asking “what should K do?” But my mom says it’s the earlier way). She said she would drink the bottle so I did. But then the OCD came back and was making me guilty thinking that because the bottle was near her crotch area that if was sexual and I somehow committed incest. But I was thinking I should drink more of the water bottle to combat it so I wouldn’t have to think about it later. But I was also worried it would later bring back up me drinking the water was still incestual. But I already drank the water so I thought “well I already did it so it’s too late?” And so yea. My mom said that I already drank it when I explained to her my dilemma. But anyways I dumped the water in a fountain and drunk fresh cold water from a water fountain. But it’s still affecting me and now the cold water has triggered my senses on my through the and heart and makes me feel nauseous or upset like that feeling or the gross feeling is incest. And now I’m scared of going near my mom or pushing her away because my OCD is making me think that I think she did something incestual but she didn’t. Ugh. I know this is adding up to the already guilt and disgust I’m feeling in my heart physically already. I am gonna try go on with my day but I’m gonna have to post this on the support group online or else I’ll break by the end of the night. Break as in be a crying mess.

Edit:

7:46 PM

After thinking a bit, I know my mom didn’t mean anything wrong by what she said with the water bottle. My OCD is saying that she may have just thought of what she would do with the water bottle as in the water bottle was hers and not mine. But my logical part is thinking first of all, it means nothing because the water bottle was just being carried and had no alternative motive. And even if when I drunk or picked up the water bottle it’s just OCD being mentioned. But anyways, my mom did nothing wrong I think but my OCD is trying to say my mom doesn’t care what shit touches her and I touch. Now OCD is making me see gross images and thoughts involving her :((.

[Breakfree333]

First off, you’re definitely overthinking and are in a “thought rut” —-> negative thought cycle. What you wanna do is pray and know that anything that is that confusing is not from God.

[Baker202]

A big strength that you have going for you is that you can recognize this as an OCD thought. Right away that gives you some power in how you respond. Since you know it’s an OCD thought, we know that rationalizing and seeking reassurance won’t actually help in the long run. Because even if it makes you feel better in the moment, your OCD will always tell you that the reassurance wasn’t enough or it will come up with some other way to rationalize your behavior to make you think that it was irrational. So, it’s super hard, but what’s helpful in the long run here is to tell yourself “maybe, maybe not”. Maybe drinking the water was a sign of incest, and maybe it wasn’t. Saying this to myself helps me because then my OCD doesn’t know how to take it further since I’ve already said “yeah maybe you’re right”. I know this seems really scary, but I hope it helps.

[MissBowLady in reply to Baker202]

I’ve heard of this technique about “maybe, maybe not” but I don’t think I can do that. But for everything else, thank you for your advice. It’s like where I am right now, I label it as OCD but I can’t believe it’s OCD. Like my emotions can’t? It’s hard to explain.

[Baker202 in reply to MissBowLady]

I hear that! Something else that may be helpful for where you are right now is that since you can identify it is possibly OCD at play here it may be extra helpful to identify some thinking traps or thinking mistakes that you might be stuck in. Here’s a link if you’re interested in checking those out mindsethealth.com/matter/th.... What you’re experiencing now sounds really similar to what I experience with guilt about pedophile OCD. I find that I often get stuck in black and white thinking — I’m either a saint or a monster, either completely vanilla and pure or a pedophile (or in your case incestuous). Even if you’re not at the point where you can challenge the thoughts yet, it can be helpful to identify what it is that’s getting you stuck.

[MissBowLady in reply to Baker202]

Thank you for the link but it isn’t working for me for some reason.

[Baker202 in reply to MissBowLady]

Hmm just google cognitive distortions and they should come right up

[MissBowLady in reply to Baker202]

Ok thank you!