Moving on from past

[tanj24]

I am having a hard time forgiving myself and moving on from the past. I got married in my early 20’s and liked to party. My husband also likes to drink and we had some nasty drunken fights (chasing around the house, throwing things, yelling, name calling). Well my husband’s cousin and cousin’s girlfriend unfortunately witnessed one because his cousin also kind of caused it (convinced my husband to leave my best friend’s wedding reception to hang out with him instead) and this led to a nasty nasty fight. This cousin and his gf are huge gossips and don’t let anything go, so they spread this to the whole family. This was 5 years ago and I’m still hearing about it.

For the year following, this cousin would try to convince my husband that I was a bad wife because I didn’t want him constantly playing video games. I would be working late and come home to a messy house and my husband online playing games with his cousin nonstop during his time off of work. That also led to some fights and I realized this cousin has recordings of me coming home and arguing with my husband about this because he heard it over his headset and saved the audio recording.

Fast forward and my husband and I stopped talking to this cousin and his gf much because they gossiped so much. The gf also made up rumors on top of it.

I was recently confronted about these fights from my husbands other cousin because they told him all about it. This other cousin was really trying to pry about my marital problems and then confessed he was attracted to me even though he is married and really close to my husband. What a mess.

Well the gossipy cousin stayed at our house last week to watch our dog and I decided to give him another chance for my husband (who was super close to him growing up). We get back to find he snooped through everything to the point he slept in our bed instead of the guest bed and changed the sheets for himself, went through our nightstands, found my spare car keys that I hid from him because I hid my journals in my trunk (not sure if he discovered those too). The house was also messy and I was super triggered. My husband was disappointed but I couldn’t let it go so this led to a yelling match. Ugh. And we’ve been doing so well not fighting lately and being happy.

Then I find out my husband was talking to the other cousin and hinting around that we got into another fight. This is the cousin who is attracted to me and I’ll have to see him this weekend…

Their involvement lately is really triggering old guilt and bringing me back to the worst mistakes I’ve made. I was doing so well making new habits and building confidence in myself, but these two cousins are really bringing me down

[Cookie2217]

Hi there. The gossipy cousin has to go. He's no good for either your husband not to mention you. He went through your personal belongings that's just beyond nosey. How dare he do that to you and your husband. The other cousin who's attracted to you, please do yourself a favor and let your husband in on this information because you don't want it to cone back to bite you. You know what I mean. Sometimes family overstep their bounds and both cousins did this. Regarding you and your husband fighting, that's none of anyone else's business but you and your husband. Talk to your spouse and tell him gently how you feel with using "I" statements. You may say something like this to begin...there are a few things that have been on my mind lately and I want to spend some time with you tosay so I can tell you what's been bothering me and get it off my chest. Can we talk about it? Then tell him about how much his family has crossed boundaries with both you and your husband too. My sister, Maureen who we are temporarily staying with crossed boundaries by actually calling our doctors office to see if my husband was there. That's a HIPPA violation. She also went downstairs to the basement with her camera light on her cell phone on and had her son take pictures of sone stains on the carpet. What the hell is that about...I confronted her and she told me she was looking for my car. That's a binch if bullshit and I know it. My husband and I are moving to Florida on September 1, 2024. Enough is enough. Let me know how everything works out for you ok.

[tanj24]

Thank you for your response! I agree, what his cousin did was so not ok. My husband did agree with me on this, but I honestly don’t like this cousin and am bitter about our past. So I think I really tried to rub it in to my husband and that’s what finally made him snap.

I am wondering what I need to work on and what he needs to work on in these situations. Would most husbands snap? My husband said mean things in the moment and was screaming but was really frustrated I wouldn’t listen.

I grew up in a home where my mom is overbearing and my dad never spoke up, so that’s all I know.