So many emotion

[ashleybakerr01]

I have so much built up rage surfacing right now, and it's just so much it's bringing me to tears. IDK what to do exactly,i have so many emotions happening right now, I hate bipolar disorder

[MetalEnjoyer]

I'm sorry. I can somewhat understand. Bipolar disorder really is not a fun one. From experience with my brother. I haven't been doing so well myself. I do a great job of projecting a mask. But recently I think a lot of my sadness was just turning to anger and anger is engaging. I actually slammed my head against a wall yesterday out of self hatred. I failed my collage classes before I just dropped out. I blamed myself because my life was controlled by my stubborness and trauma that I never was capable of recognizing. It doesn't help that I was helpless to my parents decisions growing up. I understand the anger very well. What I can say though is try to focus something engaging no matter how much energy you have. Its easy to lash out and engage that anger, but thats not usually a safe behavior to let out. Don't be afraid to let out the sadness. On top of that if you trust anyone even possibly a little bit ask if you can talk to them and have them listen. They don't need to say much. They might even be able to help you. Worse thing they can say is no. A good friend would say yes. If someone offers to take a phone call and listen to you and what you going through that is so valuable to accept and take the offer. Also understand that words are words and only you as a person have the power to control how you feel about what others say about you or say to you.

I got carried away with typing again lol. I've personally have really not been doing good. I went to my first in person therapy this week and I talked a lot about the hard things I went through. You are not alone. You might even be able to get pointers from others with the same condition. Maybe look into it and don't forget to focus on the moment when you go places. That's something I never learned until recently.

Good luck Ashley. I seriously wish the best for you. Love to you ok. ❤️

[ashleybakerr01 in reply to MetalEnjoyer]

I had a good friend call and listen. It helped. They didn't know what much to say, but knowing they listened helped me. Sometimes we just wanna be heard and acknowledged, if that makes sense. Most times,I find I let anger win and take over. And I truly hate it. I try to distract myself when I get in that state if mind, but at times it can be so difficult