New fear unlocked!

[Lilly1257]

Hello everyone,

I've gone through most of my life suffering from severe clinical depression.

However, I have still always tried to be upbeat and kind to people. I always thought that I gave a good impression (I wouldn't want to bring others down).

However, something has gone wrong recently and I have been destroyed by it.

A few days ago I was at a restaurant (outdoors) with my husband and teen daughter and we were chatting. Next thing I knew the couple at the next table (they were in their late 60's or early 70's) were spewing absolute hate at me. Seemingly I had been speaking loudly. I had never been accused of something like that before so I was a bit shocked. But their attack didn't end there......

"Do you ever stop talking?"

"All I can hear is you".

"Your poor husband".

"You think your the only one in the World".

Both of them just viciously went for me. It wasn't only the words they used, it was the way they were delivered..... they were filled with hatred for me.

Of course my husband got extremely angry at the couple and he didn't hold back telling them how awful they were and how I hadn't been speaking loudly, etc.

However, I do realise that I must have been doing something wrong for these people to attack me. Eventhough my husband and daughter keep on insisting I wasn't speaking loudly, I know the couple didn't just decide to pick on me for nothing. However the additional hate they spewed has knocked the wind out of me. I can't begin to fathom how awful I must come across to strangers that they would hate me that much.

I've never had anyone be unkind to me before so I'm really devastated. I've been crying or on the verge of tears since it happened. I've been so paranoid about speaking to anyone that I am avoiding the places I go for a coffee everyday and because I have severe (treated) depression, these trips outdoors are very emotionally important for my emotional wellbeing.

I'm afraid to speak to anyone, I'm avoiding looking around in case anyone speaks to me. I've pretty much stopped talking to my family, I just speak when it's necessary. I'm usually eager to meet friends, but I just really need to avoid speaking.

I don't know what went wrong and when I became so horrible, I had no idea I was so nasty and terrible. I'm ashamed that I'm this person....

I am sorry. I don't think anyone can say anything to help me. I guess I just need to write it down.

Thank you.

[MollyMarie]

I feel your pain. That situation would be crushing for anyone. HOWEVER- That couple are the ones with a real problem, not you. I certainly would not want to be associated with them!! I think any therapist would tell you same thing. I would imagine that they are having serious anger issues. Just feel sorry for them and hope they are getting help. Shalom

[Lilly1257 in reply to MollyMarie]

Thank you for your reply.

You are right. I am trying to remind myself that the couple might be miserably unhappy too and they are taking it out on others.

But I am trying to take a lesson from the interaction as well and doing my best to recognise what exactly about my behavior triggered them.

Your reply was very kind an I appreciate it.

[MollyMarie in reply to Lilly1257]

Dear Heart, I have a feeling you didn’t do anything offensive. Explosive people like they are, truly don’t need a real trigger.

[Lilly1257]

Oh Thank you so much. What a lovely reply..... your words have really helped me.

I am feeling more optimistic 😊.